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I am very sorry to read of the above and I imagine what a difficult position it must be. I will certainly try to clarify your options.
May I confirm the cause of the flooding is that of run off based on natural topography or the result of changes that the neighbour has made to their land - e.g. laying a new surface etc?
thank you. Where flooding occurs due to natural topography as opposed to something the neighbour has done to the land to exacerbate or cause the flooding, there is no legal obligation on the part of the neighbour to stem the flooding or take any action in respect of the same unfortunately. By contrast, the position is very different when the flooding was caused by something the neighbour has done to their land but from what you say, that is not the case here.
This being the case, whilst the neighbour may be willing to assist on grounds of good neighbourliness, should they be unwilling to do so, you would need to regrettably look at installing flood defences at your own cost either within your boundaries or at such other location with the express permission of the neighbour. taking issue your questions in turn using the same numbering for ease of reference: