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Ask FamilyPhysician Your Own Question
FamilyPhysician, MD
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 12816
Experience:  Physician with over 27 years experience.
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What does guy want from me???

Customer Question

Hi I need advice I work with a guy and have I guess an odd relationship with him, we have fell out twice in the last 3 years, always on the subject of us being too close or talking too much at work, meaning other people get involved interfere and he gets too paranoid and then worrys about his job, he is manager and I work in office. I have bf him gf and young daughter, he stopped talking to me this time as I had apparently told a so called friend of mine him and I were seeing each other? Am unsure if this scared him or he wanted to keep distance so people didn't think was true... He is a womaniser and has cheated many times, me and him have fooled around in the past but felt we should not go further, he stares and teases me all the time and loves to boast about his money and he only stays with gf as would lose too much.... He wants to find right girl, but now this fight happened about a year ago and ge started staring again and talking but not lot just work stuff and teasing me loads too, am very confused and really don't know what he wants from me?? I feel so drawn to him as he has told others he is to me?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  FamilyPhysician replied 5 years ago.
I guess the more important question is; "What do you want?"

The fact that he is a "womanizer" who has cheated "many times" is reaon enough to believe that the two of you will never have a long-term committed honest relationship. The fact that he is a manager (a superior in your company) makes such a relationship dangerous for both of you. Most employers discourage or prohibit relationships between employees who are in a supervisory position and subordinate positions.

I do not believe that there is much to be gained by pursuing a relationship with someone who is a serial cheater and in a positiion where their job may be placed at risk by any pursuit of a relationship with you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Am not wanting a relationship just understand what he wants from me as we been friends a long time and confused as how he is with me that's all and I guess do u think he just wanted that and still does?? So I know how to approach situation
Expert:  FamilyPhysician replied 5 years ago.
Based on the limited information, I would suspect that he may be looking for an "affair", not necessarily a relationship, but something of a sexual nature.

Ultimately, your best option is to be direct; ask him what he wants from your friendship, is he looking for more, what are his intentions.

Without asking, you are making assuptions, that can lead you to misunderstandings and potential problems in the workplace.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I think if I explain situation more you may understand better, basically he cheated a lot before as girl with he only stats with more because of daughter, she makes him unhappy. He spilt with her for while went with all these girls, me n him have always had kinda him teasing me in front of others n havin laugh too, we did fool around at mine few years ago I know was bad, but I always felt drawn to him it's weird, we been mates ages and he said was with me too why whenever we fall out he goes very withdrawn with me n pure makes out I am after him every time when am not... He use to say to me stuff like I should cheat with guy I like, n tell me bout his personal life his daughter, holidays he had been on with his family, even bits bout his gf, women he had been with, unsure why he told me this and always try's to n even know helps me with my college course, it is strange how he is with me, hope that clarifies it more.. But as he manager I think he worrys bout job n stuff n paranoid what people think. I HOPE this makes sense!!
Expert:  FamilyPhysician replied 5 years ago.
It sounds like both of you are conflicted about making more of your friendship; should you pursue a relationship.

You need to sit down to discuss both of your feelings and the implications of pursuing a relationship, including risk to one or both or your jobs.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Sorry no I don't want that sort of relationship with him, I have partner I just want to understand from someone else's perspective what he wants from me, one day he will tease around next ignore me, half the time I don't know where I stand with him that's all... We had major falling out n are now barely talking but the staring n teasing started again why I am confused
Expert:  FamilyPhysician replied 5 years ago.
I believe you are confused because he is sending you mixed signals.

You need to decide what you want (it sounds like you have since you have a partner), and then proceed in a professional business-like manner. There is no problem being friendly, but "teasing" "flirting" and other type of more personal behavior in the workplace can lead to problems.

In all honesty, you really need to control the situation. It doesn't matter what he wants, it is what YOU want.