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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5928
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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im 24 years old and im very confused about a relationship.

Customer Question

im 24 years old and im very confused about a relationship. i met a lad a year ago at college, i fell in love straight away and i know hes the one. but we have never officially become a couple, weve just been sleeping with each other, one minute he says he likes me and wants to give it a go the next he doesnt want to be with me but wants sex. in the past he also fell out with me because he got with another girl and got her pregnant but now hes come back to me wanting sex again and says hes not with the other girl anymore. when i say i dont want to be used for sex, he then says he wants to take it slow and see where it goes. a part of me is saying hes using me and im wasting my time but something is telling me that hes still the one and somethings going to happen with us, what do i do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. The guy you are with sounds like he likes you but he is not willing to put you and the relationship first in his life. If each time you express your needs and want the relationship to progress he responds with slowing things down and basically put the relationship on the back burner, then he probably is only interested in his own needs and not what you want out of the relationship.


Add to that the fact that he has already strayed outside of your relationship and basically left you to deal with the situation on your own says he is putting his needs first.


Although it is understandable that you have strong feelings for him, he is not returning those feelings. From your description it sounds like he is in the relationship for his own reasons. If you feel that you do not mind his behavior, staying in the relationship is an option. However that means never knowing where you stand with him because he is not invested in the relationship. On the other hand, you might want to consider moving on if you want a relationship that is more balanced and healthy. You are supposed to be able to get your needs met in your relationship and this relationship is not giving you that option.


I hope this has helped you,


Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Can I help you any further?