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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5927
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello, me and my girlfriend are together for a year and a half

Customer Question

Hello, me and my girlfriend are together for a year and a half now. 6 months after we got together she got a job in another city and we agreed that she should take it. 2 months after that I got a job in another city and I got it too. We spend 6 months apart and then she got a good job in the city that we first met. She said that she would only get the job if I move there so we could be together and I said yes. It's been 2 months now and I am reluctant quitting my job. Although I don't like the town I live and I have no social life at all i still like the job. If I move with her that means that I will be unemployed for a while at least.
I have postponed my resignation date 2 times now and that has, understandably, got her quite upset. We have now set a date for me to quit and move. However, last two weeks we have been arguing a lot. pretty much every chance we have. That is making my decision even harder.She says that all this is happening because we are not together and this is getting to us. I am still a bit reluctant on quitting but if I don't I think we will break up.
I don't really know how to act on this matter and any advice would be highly appreciated.

Looking forward hearing from you

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is a difficult choice whether or not to give up a job you love for a relationship that you also love. There is no way to know if either will work out, make you happy or be the wrong choice.

If you are reluctant to give up your job because you are happy with it, then it may be worth trying to talk to your girlfriend about it face to face. If possible, try to make a trip to see her. That way, the two of you can really work this through and get all your feelings out into the open. Talking long distance makes it more difficult to work out issues. It is too easy to misinterpret.

Talk to your girlfriend about alternatives to giving up your job, for now. Be honest and let her know you really enjoy this job and that all the moving around has caused you to reconsider moving again, for now. Let her know you need more time with the job and want to see how it works out. Many people have long distant relationships and make it work until things can change. Also, be sure to tell your girlfriend that you love her and care about her (if that is indeed how you feel) and reassure her that you will continue to work on being in the same city.

You may also want to discuss trying to have her move to your city. She has already made several moves and may not be as happy with her job right now. While it is not as fair to her to have to move again, it would resolve both issues. You could be happy in your job and happy with her. It is an option. If she decides to consider it, try to make things as easy as possible on her by helping her find a new job and helping her move.

I hope this was helpful to you,
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.


May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!