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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3787
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Hi, I spoke to you before about my relationship issue and now

Customer Question

Hi, I spoke to you before about my relationship issue and now need some more advice! Can you help me please?!!! Thanks :)
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Welcome back. Things remain the same? I imagine that he is acting according to what he has told you and that he does not want something steady right now and you are hoping that changes. I understand that but if he is not ready then nothing will chnage that. He texts and sees you when he wants and you can have the choice as to whether to be a part of that. If you are okay with things being casual then keep hanging in, but if you want more and will push him for more, i don't see things changing.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yeah basically last time I spoke to you it was thursday evening. Later that night he did begin texting more and we had a really lovely convo. I then mentioned how I couldnt get to sleep and he said he couldnt either so did I want to go over. I told him no cos I was in my PJs so he came to me instead. We just watched a film and went to sleep nothing else happened. In the morning we hung out and it was really nice :)

Then that evening I was going out and he was too. I texted him wishing him a good night but he never replied. Then towards the end of the night I bumped into him in a club. He seemed pleased to see me and was all over me. My friends left to go home but because I was talking to him I didnt see them go and didnt want to go alone so stayed with him. After a while he just started disappearing and reappearing loads. Luckily I knew two other people he was out with so I could dance with them but I was a bit upset he would only acknowledge me when I went to him. He was absolutely drunk to the point he could barely stand up though. Then my friend could sense I was on edge as he kept disappearing to the bar with this other girl who seemed to be part of his circle. Im not aware they did anything but my friend spoke to him and told me she had told him he was being really bad to me but nothing more. He then took me to the sofas and asked me how come Im never tempted to get off with other guys. I said because Im not like that but thought it was so odd. He then said how he really enjoyed spending the night before with me and said he wanted to do it more often. We then went back to dance but again he kept drifting off. When he eventually reappeared he asked me why I was still there, I just shrugged he said that he would take me home if I wanted. I told him I'd like him to take me home but didnt want to take him away from having fun with his friends. He said he liked that and wanted to take me home too and kissed me. Eventually when we did go home we walked back with this really nice friend of his but they started to speak to each other in German!! I thought how rude as I cant understand and when I asked his friend what he said the friend just said that I should chill out because he does like me. We went back to his room and basically just passed out and once again he doesnt remember anything! All morning I told him I need to go and do uni work but he kept saying no stay with me. Sorry so long! :)

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago. dear Sophie. You are putting yourself in a position over and over to get hurt by this guy. He has no intention of being serious yet you believe he will come around. Too drunk to stand up? Is that the guy you want to be with or take seriously?
Come on....let's get some more self love. You deserve more than this and the few crumbs he throws your way. It is time to walk away or just deal with the crumbs and stop analyzing it all. He does not want anything serious. Deal or walk away.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Ok thanks, I think I've known this was going to happen for a while now :( I did text him earlier today he never replied. Despite saying how he really wants to spend more time with me. I need to tell him straight I think and soon before I do get hurt! Any suggestions on what to say?

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.
I dont believe there is anything to say. He says what he needs to in order to keep you there and often when it is drunk. Stope replying and move on.