Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Hi I'm Su Wint
I really need some advice for my relationship
Hi Su Wint. I am sorry to know about this frustrating and distressing situation.
Can you help then??
I can help you providing a reply through feedback based on your question.
In this situation what do you suggest me to do?
should I break up with him?
It depends on what you truly expect and meed from this relatiosnhip.
I just expect him to change
If what you want is to keep this relationship the way it is as long s possible regardless its obvious limitations and afford the consequences, then you would continue just the same. But if what you expect from him is real honesty, openness, total trust and respect, being serious about your relationship as an adult in an exclusive relationship, then you need to start being totally honest and direct towards him, assertively confronting this serious issue.
This would be in consistency with what you need and expect from him. His behavior does show that he has not been totally open and honest towards you, nor wants to make of your relationship something official, since hides it from other when totally denying it through social networks like FB, and from his own father.
As you said.most people in your shoes would not feel comfortable nor happy with such behaviors, but immediately feel lack of trust and suspicion, frustrated and concern because of his systematically keeping his private life as totally private, not allowing you any access to it any access to it. You were clear describing how you do not expect to check everything he says, shares and writes in his messages, but to be able to feel comfortable knowing that you are in an exclusive relationship, where you mutually respect and trust each other, and his behavior do not show that, that's why your concerns are absolutely valid, since these are not only concrete red flags nobody in your shoes should disregard, but already an issue at the very core of your relationship, and unless he happens to show the capacity and willingness to acknowledge and understand how this is a serious issue, so to work on making necessary changes to gain your trust, it would be unrealistic and not a good idea to attach to him even more hoping things would get fine with time by themselves, since that does not sue to happen that way.
Lack of real honesty and openness, reveal lack of real respect and caring, which are essential for building healthy and truly fulfilling long term relationships. This person does not truly acknowledges you as his girlfriend after almost a year in the relationship, hides it from his own father, friends and people who know him, and systematically refuses to allow you to have any access at all to his "private " life. You feel no happy no comfortable at all with it, and you have good reasons to feel this way, and your jealousy, which is something commonly present in your personality, does have more than enough reasons no to trust him.
If what you truly expect is a real relationship, where you feel respected, acknowledged, understood and supported, where you could trust your boyfriend because he shows he deserves your trust , affection and commitment, then you need to start being totally honest towards him, assertively confronting these serious issues, showing respect, understanding and support, but also making clear what you need and expect from him in order for your relationship to grow healthy and become truly mutually fulfilling.
If you do not approach these serious issue in order to see if he really shares the same core needs and expectations and is capable and willing to work with you on your relationship as a real adult, then please carefully reassess your main priorities, what you are truly willing to afford in this relationship, and take consistent actions from there. If a person truly deserves you and wants to be with you, he would not perpetuated these behaviors this long, and as soon as such behaviors were confronted, he would work on making necessary changes, but if he doesn't then it would be better for you to reevaluate your decision to stay in the relationship, attaching to him even more and expecting it to become what you need from it,
Couples counselling is always a good idea for couples to get professional support working on any core issue limiting or undermining their relationship, but it would only be beneficial, if both happen to be truly honest, and committed to work as a real team, being reciprocal i the relationship, and giving your best to make it work.
Does it make sense?
Yeah sure it does
I did try to talk to him and some of the problems are solved now
Good! I am glad to know that. You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.
Please remember to rate support. Thanks.