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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Good afternoon, I have been dating a much older gentleman than

Customer Question

Good afternoon, I have been dating a much older gentleman than myself for several months and at first everything was going well. This man treat me well taking me out and seemed really keen. He demonstrated that he was physically attracted to me almost immediately by touching and kissing me and becoming fairly intimate i.e. oral sex. As the months went on this man seemed to avoid the issue of having penetrative sex so one evening I really pushed for it but he couldn't perform. He has suggested that sometimes this happens but ever since the incident occurred he has pulled away from me and now tells me that he just wants us to be friends that he is not interested in me in that way. I feel totally confused. It is obvious that this problem is preventing him from pursuing the relationship or am I wrong? Could this man have never cared about me at all? He has suggested that we stop contacting each other but that maybe in the future we could meet up just as friends. What can I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I do believe that this issue is the key to why he has pulled away from a physical relationship. Men put a high value on sexual performance and it is difficult for them to confront the problem, talk about it and deal with it in the same way that a woman might. Some men have a hard time seeking any type of medical help, as this is very embarrassing for a lot of people. He probably has a lot of pride and he would rather separate himself than to confront the real problem, as sad as it is.
I'm not certain that you can change his mind, if he has already stated this is how he wants things to be. I don't think you need to blame yourself for anything at this point. If you are comfortable with just being friends with him, just stay connected for right now and maybe he will open up about the real problem. He didn't cut everything off completely which is a small positive to take out of this. Try rebuilding with him and see if he can eventually get to the point where he feels confident enough to deal with the relationship on a physical level.