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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi there, I have a problem concerning me at the moment. I met

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Hi there, I have a problem concerning me at the moment. I met a guy in 2009/2010 and left him for my current boyfriend who I met in 2011. Me and my current boyfriend have finally moved in to my flat together but it was more for his convenience then mine. Recently I have been in touch with the first guy and been meeting him for sex. He tells me that I shouldn't stay with my current boyfriend as he sees that I am unhappy. What shall I do, I don't want to hurt either of them
Hello. My first question to you would be, are you happy? He says that he sees that you are, but is he influencing your feelings? There is obviously something wrong in your current relationship for you to be cheating. Why did you leave the first guy originally??
You don't want to hurt either of them, but that is impossible. You are already hurting your current boyfriend, he just isn't aware of it yet. If you are cheating and he is unaware, that is way worse than you being honest with him and leaving, if that is your choice. Even if you choose to be with your current boyfriend and you stop seeing the original guy, the damage is done. You have put yourself in a situation where you must make difficult decisions and there is no easy way out, regardless of the outcome. It isn't going to be a nice, neat situation.
Be honest with yourself as far as who you want to be with. None of the other stuff matters at this point. You can't continue being with both of them, you must make a choice and you are the only one who can make it. Now isn't the time to worry about hurt, it's been done and every time you are with the first guy, you are hurting someone.
Be honest with yourself, decide who you want to be with and make it happen.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I suppose I'm not really happy as I am confused and I shouldn't have started cheating on my boyfriend. The reason why I left the first guy was because I was angry at him and to make him jealous I met my current boyfriend in spite. My current boyfriend is jealous and didn't want me to stay friends with the first guy. I was okay with my current boyfriend but things have changed between us and we don't have sex anymore. So when I got in touch with the first guy we met in secret and had sex on a few occassions. I feel really bad about this but I don't really know what I want

Well then I would suggest, even though I know it would be a huge pain because you are living with your boyfriend, would be to move out. I don't know your specific situation as far as finances and living availability, but being by yourself will be a big help and will ease your mind. Then, you will be free to think a bit more objectively about your situation. There is nothing wrong with being single and dating different people and having sex with multiple partners, but when you are living with someone, it can make the situation more stressful as you are "with" someone. By separating yourself from that obligation, you will have an easier time deciding who to be with. ALways be honest. With yourself and whoever you are with. It may seem like the harder road at the time, but it will always be the best thing for everyone involved.
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