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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 918
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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One of my best friends who I have lived with I think I like.

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One of my best friends who I have lived with I think I like. I haven't liked any one in a long time. We are really really good friends. He has a girl friend now, but we got really close about September time and kissed and admitted all our feelings for each other, his girlfriend who he was seeing at the time saw. We never spoke about it because I didn't want to ruin our friendship and he ended up with the girl he was seeing. They are getting closed and closer and we aren't as close as we used to be, he can sometimes be distant I don't know whether he still has feelings for me or not. I want to be with him now but I think I missed my chance, do you think we will ever end up together
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this difficult situation. You are correct too. It is difficult. In the movies you would approach him with how you feel, he would sweep you off your feet, break up with his gf, and marry you. Then everyone but his gf would be happy ever after. That may not be the outcome in reality though.
I am going to figure he knows exactly how you feel as does his gf. After all, it is no secret. The reason he is pulling away is due to those feelings. As things stand your friendship doesn't have much of a chance of a survival anyway.
An option you may consider is a bit different slant on the picture. Approach him on behalf of your friendship. Be honest about your feelings, but let him know that because you value your friendship, you are willing to suppress those feelings. Go ahead and let him know that if they do break up any time soon, you are there for him.
In doing this you have at least made an effort at salvaging your friendship, but at the same time made yourself available. I still would not count on the friendship remaining close if he continues with his current gf. She likely wi make sure of that and nobody can blame her. You will have salvaged it to a degree anyway, continuing the ties well enough to hopefully be available then and when.
The harsh reality in this is he may very well madly in love with this girl and they never break up. I would encourage you to at least consider other options following this conversation . I really do hope the best for you.
I see you were not satisfied with my response. I really do want to be a help. What exactly are you looking for? I will do my best to help you. Thank you!
I see you have gone off line. I will try to elaborate on my original point. I know that is not necessarily what you wanted to hear, but from the information I received it seems like your best option. My understanding was you are I in live with your best friend, but you fear ruining your friendship. It really all depends on what you value most and what risk you are willing to take. The fact is he already knows your feelings for him as you said you both discussed that when you kissed. Following your kiss and talk, he has drawn closer to his gf and consequently pulled away from you. I would love to paint a pretty picture for you, but I believe you deserve the truth. The truth is, I would guess his gf has put a kink in your friendship and he has apparently chosen her. Your best chance at a friendship or romance is to approach him as I mentioned. Acknowledge your feelings, but assure him that you value your friendship too much to pursue them. Tell him you wish to continue your friendship above all else, but insinuate you are available if all fails with gf. That leaves door open on friendship and romance. There are no guarantees though. If I were you I would not wait around for him to break it off with her and approach you. I would keep my options open but maybe remain somewhat available just in case at least until something more promising cones around. I hope that clarifies my response and you find it helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts, please share them. I really do want to be a help to you.Thank you!
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I originally wrote this because I had a drink, we are still actually very close and I understand what your saying, but I would rather have him in my life than mess it up completely. I know he still has feelings for me but his girl friend makes him very happy, I think to much of him to ruin our friendship and his happiness, it is really hard to deal with and just pretend all the time, but I don't have a lot of choice. Love is a stupid thing and it is probably just a crush because I spend so much time with him, I just don't usually feel this way about anyone, so it's really hard to know what to do. I think I want you to say he will come rushing over to you and it will have a happy ending. I know it's not the case, and I know the right thing to do is to just forget so I think that's what I need to try and do even though it's hard, but thank you
God bless you! In the end you must only answer to yourself. May you find the happiness you seek!
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. I would love to hear from you on how helpful my advice was. Also, please let me know if I can help you in any other way.
John Michaels, MS, LPC
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
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