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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 951
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I am confused bcoz my bf cheated & the woman had a child &

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I am confused b'coz my bf cheated & the woman had a child & is threatening to take the child away if he does not give their relationship a try. They dated for a month & he later decided to give me another chance after I initially cheated years ago. We worked hard through it, but financial issues started as he earns a lot less than me and we had an argument & he left for two weeks. I suspect this is where he done his cheating. Anyway, this woman is determined to be a single parent as this is her 3rd child with another man & now she is dictating when he can see the child. He told me he won't be held to ransom & he may have to let his son go. I told him this will hurt for some time. The sad thing is we have been talking about trying for our own child for nearly two years & we both changed our jobs in order to put plans in action as we both used to work very long hours. I'm at a crossroads now & don't know what to do. We have been together for 8yrs. He is at my house now talking to my parents, but I can't bring myself to be apart of the discussion b'coz so many ppl have something to say.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I am excited to hear you are seeking couples counseling. I would hate to see him give up on this child. Every child needs to know their daddy cares. That said, I have a few questions before I reply with an answer. What are you two wanting in your relationship? Do you and him still both want a child? Are you wanting him to fight for custody? What exactly is your question for me? The answers to these questions and any other details might help me ge you an informed response...

Thank you!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess I'm probably grasping at straws, but yes, definately we want our own child. We both love each other but he has done something very silly and he told me he knows he sold himself short, but he is worried & I sense this due to a dramatic weight loss caused by stress. I just need some wisdom John, in relation to where do I go from here.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What exactly do u need from me John. I sent a response earlier to clarify
I apologize for the delay. I was distracted with another issue.

It sounds as if you have both made mistakes are are willing at least to start the forgiveness and healing process. I was again commend you for scheduling couples counseling. That is a good direction to go. They can help you work on your communication skills and such as well as maybe help him process his loss.

I am with you on your warning to him. It is his decision, but it is one that would be difficult to reverse I be it is made. I am not a lawyer, but would recommend he consult one and find out his rights concerning his biological child. I am not sure he should give up without a fight. No, he should not be held ransom, but I am wondering if he could get sine court ordered visitation in which she does not call the shots.

From the limited information.i have hear, it sounds to me that you are heading the right direction. As I said you both have made mistakes. You need to determine how those mistakes can be avoided in the future, and follow the guidance of your therapist. You also need to cone to agreement on finances as well as a timetable for a child, when you feel you might be ready. When you have a child you need to be sure to have fair distribution of responsibilities if you both work. As I said though, to me you seem to be heading the right direction.

Was that helpful? Did I answe your question? Let me know if you have further questions. I do want to be a help.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you John most helpful & clear
I am glad I could be of help. I apologize for the delay. If you think I might be of help to you in the future, please request me by name...
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC