Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
you are in a very tough spot and I feel for you.
I am going to say something very bold here at the beginning and we can talk about it.
it is possible to love someone as you do but not be at that next level anymore where marriage is the next step.
I worry that all of your stress is an indicator for you that you question whether to go through with it.
There are things within your connection that are on parallel tracks so the question becomes can those paths be bridged and do you believe marriage will do that?
any relationship needs to have open communication where each person is head and understood as well as intimacy.
I hear you respect his need for sexual intercourse after marriage but that you desire more at this point. All of your needs around this are quite normal.
would he go to some couples counseling with you to work on some of these issues before the wedding? And would you find that helpful?
I was also struck by what you wrote at the start which was I WAS madly in love...so is that still there? do you ask yourself whether you want to marry him and maybe a lot of the stress is because you are feeling differently about it all and the deeper connection?
I would suggest that these things do get looked at, processed and worked through before you walk down the aisle.
I see you coming in the chat. I am here if you would like to chat.
I think he has more of the need to talk of these worldly things or events but in my view couples that settle into the routine of being together are quite okay with sitting in quiet and not having to talk about heavy things all the time
things can be light or silly or quiet. all things are tolerated and one isn't made to feel stupid or less than if they desire something different.
I am in the US in EST and will be signing off for the night in a few minutes but will return in the morning and look for a response if I dont hear from you before signing off.
If you dont need me further then please take a moment to click on the rating tab.
I feel your frustrations and made more complicated by talking with him but not seeing any benefit from sharing those feelings.