How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3785
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years, lived together

This answer was rated:

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years, lived together for 4. We are saving to buy a house but I have found out he has debts and lied about them and used up his part of our savings. When I confront him he denies it. What should I do? I'm struggling to trust him at the moment. I also found evidence that he has been to hooker bars but he says he hasn't done anything and it was to do with work. I really don't know what to believe. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Coach Jen K. :

Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

Coach Jen K. :

I think this behavior of his is indicative of what life together could be finding out things and he denying them. I think in order for any relationship to work all must come clean and talk openly and honestly about what has transpired.

Coach Jen K. :

I can understand how you are having a hard time trusting him...these things that he has been involved in do not inspire trust and not does his denial of them

Coach Jen K. :

I would sit with him again and let him know that you can work through anything as long as he is open and honest but without that there isnt much of a mutual and trusting relationship

Coach Jen K. :

you have been together for a while so open communication should exist and you are right in the pursuit of that

Coach Jen K. :

hooker bars for work? does he think you were born yesterday?

Coach Jen K. :

a gentleman does not partake in those outings even if it is for work

Customer: Thank you for replying...He said it's because they were trying to gain a contract for work and that's where the clients wanted to go and I wouldn't understand because I don't work in the business sector
Coach Jen K. :

trying to get a client in a hooker bar?

Customer: Well, that was my thoughts exactly. He said he has to take them where they want to go, but I honestly don't understand it, I don't think he realise why it makes me sad and I do wonder if that's partly were his savings have gone to
Coach Jen K. :

I think you should trust your gut here...its not just about the bar it is his style of denial about big things that affect your relationship

Customer: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX better now knowing it's not just me over thinking it and someone else sees it the same way I have been, thank you so much,
Coach Jen K. :

I do see it and believe that this style is not healthy and needs to change to have a healthy relationship

Customer: Do you think it can change? I'm you professional opinion?
Coach Jen K. :

only if he comes clean about all things and is willing to be open...if not I see this pattern remaining

Customer: I need to really think about what I need to do, thank you for your time and putting things into perspective
Coach Jen K. :

it is my pleasure. come to me anytime. please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you