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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5929
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I am having a problem with my boyfriend of 5 months. He seperated

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I am having a problem with my boyfriend of 5 months. He seperated from his wife if five years last march. I knew him as a friend of a friend for four years and we go together in December when we met up at an event with other friends. He seemed really excited by dating me and we have had a lovely five months but last weekend he started crying and said he doesn't know how he feels and feels emotionless. He got made redundant from his job last month and is leaving next week.
He said I make him happy and he doesn't want to lose me but isn't sure what he will feel when he comes out of the fog. I said I thought maybe we should have more time apart do haven't seen him for 5 days
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

It sounds like your boyfriend may be depressed or grieving. He went through a divorce last year (which even if it was a while ago may not have bothered him until now) and he also is losing his job. That is a lot of loss. People often grieve over losses and divorce, even if it's one he wanted, plus the loss of his job is a lot to deal with in a year. Your relationship probably helped him a lot, but now that he is losing his job, it may have triggered his depression or grief over his divorce.

You may want to suggest that your boyfriend see his doctor. In some cases, medical problems can cause depression. So it helps to be sure nothing is wrong. If he is medically cleared, suggest that he talk to his doctor about a referral to a therapist. He may need to talk to a professional about the losses he has suffered and how to deal with his possible depression.

Self help is also an option. Here are some resources that may help him (and you):

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce... byJohn W. James and Russell Friedman

Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt

The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change by Melody Beattie

I hope this has helped you,

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