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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5956
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi I am very confused and slightly upset about a situation

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Hi I am very confused and slightly upset about a situation with a guy friend. I have known him for about a year and he is 10 years younger than me n people always comment how well we get on and he defiantly likes me more but always says am too old for him which is cool as I have boyfriend and him on off girlfriend but I don't understand his actions sometimes.

Reasons why I think likes me:

1) always wants to partner with me at work
2) only flirts with me even though younger girls in office
3) Calls me BMA and says no one can ever have this title means best friends forever
4) stares at me lot from distance and if catch him pulls silly faces
5) only tells me things about personal life mainly
6) always asks me for advice on things n to lend money
7) hugs me n touchs my shoulder lot
8) gets jealous when I say other men complimented me he goes oh I noticed your hair etc first not them n gets bit weird
9) don't really like it when talk bout bf
10) Talks differently to me n don't like upsetting me gets upset if we fall out
11) jokes when out should go hotel n always trys to give other guys looks to back off.
12) says am his girl n never fall out
13) compliments me lot n blushes too
14) met his mates as wanted me too n wants to see my house n friends n boyfriend

Reasons think don't like me

1) for some reason won't add me to facebook but added other girls from work who hardly knows but think pretty
2) always makes point am 10 years older
3) says would never date co worker n says to me over n over
4) rarely texts back unless straight after work or next day in morning
5) when been alone never tried on but got very close and touches me etc a lot
6) talks bout girls he likes but says not interested in dating just wants to find girl personality like me odd
7) said once to me likes me lot but not sexually but told other person does like me

So I guess want a view as feel kinda used as helped him lot at work n done lot n upsets me way he acts sometimes as can ignore me too for no reason but yet supposed to be good mates..also he now moved sections still in office but he is very quiet on new team n loves it when I go over n keeps saying how nice I look recently n how much weight lost but rarely comes to my desk, says because he started new team wary but feel I make all effort though bit n don't always reply to emails but he stresses bout work, feel down as love our friendship n worry he will slip away that end office but he still says am his BMA etc please I need an answer in if u think fancys me etc as I feel kinda upset

Any advice please be great
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like he either likes you and is flirting with you or he has a personality issue and acts like he does because he is getting something out of it.

If he is flirting with you, he could enjoy the attraction between you. People flirt because it makes them feel attractive and wanted. And they are doing it behind their partner's back, which may have an added thrill. It is almost like cheating but without actually taking the final step. He may also like you but feels the differences between you are a barrier and so he keeps the relationship as flirting only.

It is also possible that he has a personality issue. Sometimes people like to express attraction to others to either draw them in an hurt them (which may explain why he consistency points out your age difference) or to control the other person. He seems to draw you in yet at the same time he puts limits on your relationship. It sounds a bit like control with the ball in his court most if not all of the time.

What you do from here depends on what you want. So far, it sounds like he has made the rules in the relationship between you. If you enjoy what he does, its ok to continue as long as your boyfriend knows about it (you don't want this affecting the honesty between you and hurting your relationship) and you feel comfortable with it. But if you feel what he does is too confusing or upsetting, you can tell him to back off and stop responding to his advances.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi thanks for reply I agree hard to tell mostly I feel he likese as he does treat me diff to all girls in office but fact am older n have bf he lately as died down though as works other end, I asked him today why off he said very busy no time to email nothing, n when I say have I annoyed says no but goes quiet n changes subject, u can tell he hates it when we conflict, it does upset me as done so much for him n he gets ratty but then later emails saying thanks for crisps n comes over n chats it is weird.... But I back off n say I'll bck off he goes no don't please n gets jealous when talk to other men, do I think he likes me as friend or more??
He seems to like you a bit more than just as friends, but he is also playing games. Someone who comes nearer to you when you back away but then backs off when you come near has relationship and possibly personality issues. It could be insecurity but most likely it is a deeper issue with being unable to stay in solid and rewarding relationships in a healthy way. It's up to you if you want to continue with him, but it does not sound like he could sustain a serious relationship with you or anyone else.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
What u mean games?? As he does get upset when I have go n kinda in a shell, problem is he likes attention n also he Worrys loads bout stuff at work what people will see etc he never mailed loads but will if it is something I brought him to say thanks etc but cus he feels bad I reckon, only thing I don't get is when he emails my manager to see miss team already but I ask him do u miss me n don't answer but yet closest to me?? Just feel sometimes harsh to me but don't talk likes me to be happy happy he always use to say he loved my company n on a night out recently he said I was beautiful he was drunk though n took loads photos of me n him then deleted them n made out blurry but weren't see y am confused???
Games mean behavior like you are describing where he says you are beautiful, takes pictures then deletes them. Very confusing behavior. That can be considered games because he is doing them for his own reasons and is not in touch with what you are feeling as a result of his behavior.

Whatever his reasons for acting as he does with you, he is not consistent and not able to either be with you or not. If you want to continue with the way he is acting now, with confusing behavior, that is ok. But if you don't, you may need to set boundaries with him and either tell him to leave you alone or decide what he wants abd stick with it.


If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answers I have provided. Thank you very much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has gf guess y deleted but has other photos same with facebook never added me on but did others but am supposed to be his BMA?? I asked him said they added him ages ago n me recent, he has said in past he liked me lot but then said didn't fsncy me but acts like this..... I want him as friend n stressing he will forget me other end office as new girl starting who young know it's silly but we become such good friends, do u think he will forget me?? Think maybe he likes me just as friend but don't want to hurt my feelings?? Really does like me?? Sorry just feel upset bit like I annoy him
It is very hard to say what he feels, is thinking or what he might do without knowing him or being able to talk with him. From the way he acts so far, he seems unable to handle a normal relationship. Whether or not he likes you or even likes anyone else is unclear. He seems unsure himself, who he wants to be with or even what he feels. No one else will be able to tell what he is going to do or what he feels if he doesn't even know himself what he wants or what he feels.

What you might want to consider is why you want to be with him if he cannot treat you well. Counseling might help you find out why you are attracted to him and the way he treats you.

I hope this has answered all of your questions. If you would, please rate my service now so I can be reimbursed for my work in helping you. Thank you very much!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok sorry one more thing is do u think he likes me as person?? I don't want him as bf just friend but fact he keeps always trying to look at me when looking my way, n pretends he don't care but then says he does I think he trying to push me away as knows won't really have lot to do with him so much know he moved sorry just feel so sad bout it, one other thing he coming to my BBQ in 2 weeks n really wants to meet my bf??
I am sorry but I have already provided the best answers possible to your original question and your follow ups yet you refuse to positively rate my work. Since I can only conclude that you are unhappy with the answers I have already provided, I will opt out and allow other professionals to help you. My best to you.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
It's not that but I just wanted bit more clarification
I understand but you can pay and still continue to get clarification. I have already answered your original question and all of your follow ups as thoroughly as possible. Professionals do appreciate being paid for that amount of work. Since you seem unhappy with my answers, I have opted out so other professionals can help.

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