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therapist325, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 100
Experience:  Licensed Professional counselor with specialized training in relationships.
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Hi I have been on here a few times but dont really get much

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Hi I have been on here a few times but don't really get much response or help with a problem, I would like proper feedback to help me. Basically I have worked with a guy for over a year now, he is 10 years younger than me n people always comment how well we get on and he defiantly likes me more but always says am too old for him which is cool but wishes I was his age ha n I have bf him I think gf been on n off a lotReasons why I think likes me:1) always wants to partner with me at work2) only flirts with me even though younger girls in office3) Calls me BMA and says no one can ever have this title means best friends forever4) stares at me lot from distance and if catch him pulls silly faces5) only tells me things about personal life mainly6) always asks me for advice on things n to lend money 7) hugs me n touchs my shoulder lot8) gets jealous when I say other men complimented me he goes oh I noticed your hair etc first not them n gets bit weird9) don't really like it when talk bout bf10) Talks differently to me n don't like upsetting me gets upset if we fall out11) jokes when out should go hotel n always trys to give other guys looks to back off.12) says am his girl n never fall out13) compliments me lot n blushes too14) met his mates as wanted me too n wants to see my house n friends n boyfriend15) always teases me bout stuffReasons think don't like me1) for some reason won't add me to facebook but added other girls from work who hardly knows but think pretty2) always makes point am 10 years older3) says would never date co worker n says to me over n over4) rarely texts back unless straight after work or next day in morning5) when been alone never tried on but got very close and touches me etc a lot6) talks bout girls he likes but says not interested in dating just wants to find girl personality like me odd7) said once to me likes me lot but not sexually but told other person does like meSo I guess want a view as feel kinda used as helped him lot at work n done lot n upsets me way he acts sometimes as can ignore me too for no reason but yet supposed to be good mates..also he now moved sections still in office but he is very quiet on new team n loves it when I go over n keeps saying how nice I look recently n how much weight lost but rarely comes to my desk, says because he started new team wary but feel I make all effort though bit n don't always reply to emails but he stresses bout work, feel down as love our friendship n worry he will slip away that end office but he still says am his BMA etc still but on Friday he was very cold with me so I emailed him asking why he never replied, I saw him at lunch n asked him n he went quiet n said nothing up n changed subject, this week he refuses to call me BMA, n very like Mardy and off with me but fine everyone else but stares at me lot, I texted him saying I felt upset asbinknow he not happy that end of office but hurts me way he being saying ur not my team now but stares n buys me drinks still, anyway I said would leave him to it I saw him next day canteen n he was all nervous round me the text was not mentioned but he very nice to me n being round me again, but still seems not himself n distant but very nervous when on his own with me why is this as we was so brill friends n now no replys to emails texts but talks to me but like he is Mardy bit but don't want us to fall out, is it because he moved to other end n new girl started sitting opposite him but don't seemed fussed, or he bored of me or he likes me?? Pls really getting me down also I am hsving BBQ n he desperate to still come n meet my bf which oddAny advice please be great sorry so long

therapist325 :

Hello-You gave a lot of detail on what seems to be a complicated situation. Hoping I can help a little but if I miss any part of what you are looking for please let me know! It sounds like what you are writing is that you have a very close relationship with this co-worker and there is some sexual tension or just plain chemistry between the both of you. You mentioned that you have a boyfriend so I am sure that adds some confusion within itself. The messages the co-worker is giving you are definitely ones that show he is flirting with you on some level, but then gives some other messages that show that he isn't interested in that way (like not accepting you on facebook). Those mixed messages can be hard to read and understand what the meaning is behind them. What I'm sure makes it even harder is being so close with him and now he is acting distant. One question I have for you is what do you want from the relationship with him? As in do you have interest in him and if he was interested in you how would that change things with you?

Customer: Hi thank you for answering my question, I guess firstly I want to know in your opnion why he is kinda acting way he is now?? It is confusing as I feel deep down he does like me but won't ever admit it, but he wants to meet my bf n not adding me to facebook?? But I love my bf very much but I feel something for him and it annoys me and I guess I want him to kinda feel for me but not do anything if makes sense
Customer: I will add on I know am interested in him but know nothing woukd come off it, could his kinda strange behaviour be down to office politics moving teams or fact I asked him what up n kinda annoyed him, as he called me beautiful stunning etc on nights out loads n met his friends but he does hold back
Customer: The BMA thing is weird too lol
therapist325 :

It completely makes sense what you are feeling. You love your boyfriend but it always nice and exciting to have someone be interested or just treat you nicely like he has. Although I cannot for sure say why he is acting the way he is, it does seem that he seems to enjoy flirting with you. It could be a couple of different reasons. Maybe he feels that connection that you feel but also knows that nothing can come from it. So he is able to flirt in a safe way, if that makes sense, but also does keep some boundaries on it. With him going to a new team it could make a difference in his behaviors. Like you stated office politics can be difficult and maybe he is trying to figure all of that out. Plus now with a new team, there may be more distance between you. It sounded like earlier you were saying he would stare at you but not act the same way as he had before. Maybe he is trying to figure out how to fit into the new team. It sounds like you both have a level of comfort-ability with each other. With him keeping some boundaries he also may just be being respectful to the relationship you have with your boyfriend and keeping it at a friendly flirting level. Do any of those kind of fit or make sense?

Customer: But why last week was he ok n he had moved then emailed n texted n now nothing n kinda harsh like saying ur on diff team n laughs but stares at me same way n seems irratated, so u do feel that he does or did fancy me it's not in my head?? Shud I ask again y he don't call me BMA now?? Or just leave it, I feel very sad as he promised wud not happen, n yes does make sense what u said but I feel like am annoying him n y wud he want to meet my bf if fancied me?
therapist325 :

Has anything happened in the past week that may have changed how he interacts with you? Maybe not just between the two of you but anything in the office as well? It sounds like he enjoyed flirting with you for sure. That does not appear to be just in your head. He maybe felt comfortable enough with you that he could act more flirtatious but also knew it wouldn't happen so was fine with meeting your boyfriend. Also maybe felt protective in wanting to know your boyfriend to see that he treats you right or was likable. There is a fine line on if you should ask again. You don't want to do too much that ends up pushing him away but also maybe finding different ways to find out what is going on. Maybe even texting him something like "since we are on different teams now we don't see each other often. Want to do lunch or get a drink after work" Something along those lines that doesn't put questioning on him but allows you to communicate with him. Do you think that would work?

Customer: Hi sorry it took while to reply it's been eventful day, I texted him this morning saying I'll leave him alone as he has really upset me, go into work n he looks upset n trys his hardest to not speak to me, but every chance he just stares at me across office n don't take eyes if me even when chatting to others, it's weird like there is tension like not bad way like we just want to cuddle, I spoke or tried but in email he was very Mardy but kinda upset,. Well after work I thought try once more and he did respond he says he don't like texting n lot of time has phone turned off so don't see messages, he said I didn't know we had fell out what's up, well told him how felt n he then rang me but said sorry n he goes u know ur my BMA n hate us arguing n ur my favourite in office, he looking forward to my BBQ n meeting rich he can't wait, so what do u think now?? Do u think does really like me just as friend as u said fine line or fancys me lot but knows can't have me, as surely if didn't care wud not ring n act so upset when we don't talk confused?
Customer: To add in he called me buddy today which kinda threw me but when on phone his mates in background which odd too lol n he wants to bring one who met before why situation so weird is it friends or more he liked
therapist325 :

He obviously cares about the relationship that you both have. He wouldn't make the effort to call if he didn't care. If he didn't care he could have blown off the text or just left it at a text. Him calling shows that he wanted to make sure that you and the relationship were ok. He does show signs that it is more than just friends on his part. The staring at you, calling to make sure things are good, wanting to come to the BBQ. One way to really tell if he is interested is by his body language when he is around you. Does he touch you when talking? Here are some signs for body language of someone who is interested: plays with their hair when around you, licks their lips when around you, raises their eyebrows, keeps eye contact for a longer period of time, body will be faced towards you, mirroring your body language, eyes dilated, sits closer to you, etc. If he is doing a lot of those (and it seems you have mentioned quite a few already), it does seem that he is interested but keeping a boundary because of your boyfriend or just respect for you.

Customer: Hi yes I agree n fact when we have tiffs he gets very upset over it, n then always wants to cuddle me he said yest wish I could cuddle u now chick, but he has gf too who I know he loves but has had problems with, body language he does always look in mirror n adjust hair when near me or his tie at work, he use to touch shoulder when he came in, when sat near me, n high fives me lot, but he does stare into my eyes or my chest lol, but matey m buddy what he calls me strange n fact he said once only like u as mate but ages ago, y wud he want to b such good friends then?? N buddy thing?
Customer: Only other thing when people say about us 2 teasing us he gets Mardy sometimes n is nervous when we alone togeather quieter
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Guess I just worry that now he has moved that end of office eventually girl next to him he will like more than me as does chat more now to her but she not his type I don't think, does that sound silly?? As he likes to be liked n likes attention, but he does get down when I don't give him attention sorry I just want him to still want to b my friend
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
But I still don't get y he not quite same like today he emailed back just thank you!!! No smiley faces nothing n called me pal twice n buddy that's a term u use for mates is it not?? But he sat with me n my friend at lunch n spoke bout BBQ but interested in another girl at work coming, he has changed n I feel it's since I got arse with him when he was but distant even though he rang me Friday night, please what do u think bout above n pal thing??
I'm so sorry for not being able to write back right away. For some reason it wouldn't allow me to answer, but now it is fixed. With that new info it does seem like he is backing away and may be interested in someone else. I do think he was showing interest due to the behaviors he was showing but might now have found an interest in someone else or due to the distance with him switching has created a different dynamic for him. With him switching how he refers to you it does sound like he is more moving to that friend zone instead of the flirting he was showing before. It doesn't sound like he wants to continue the friendship with you though. Do you still feel the same intensity from him that you used to?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
If honest I doubt he likes anyone else this girl works warehouse n she been with everyone he always says that then ignores her n said well u be with ur bf n someone I know there too, but yeah he is diff still not quite same still even though on phone said is, I feel he does feel weird being how was as diff vibe that end of office n is still quieter there, but he gets upset or Mardy if I ignore him n stares loads, also he gave me drink yest he got me n asked how my new job is too n says excited for BBQ n he can't believe really meeting my bf now?? My friend says she thinks he likes me still but kinda thinks never will happen y backing off but all this since I had go at him been off, but he sat with me at lunch yest in canteen too n just stares at me ages haha I just feel I can't keep going on at him as he don't like it but still confused??? Do u think he did generally fancy me or still does or just used me as shows interest still n only really talks to me on my team now, do u think he has deep feelings n trying to back off?? Sorry do u feel don't want friendship?? Yes still tension there when alone but is kinda nervous n always called me mate but not pal or buddy
I think he definitely wants friendship. I think the biggest question for you, is do you want more than that from him? It sounds like you are more worried about him not wanting more than friendship anymore and that leads me to think you might want more from him. I think that he definitely was showing that he had some type of interest before due to his flirting but with you being with a boyfriend, he will eventually move forward and change how he behaves with you and/or find someone. Do you think you want more from him?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi thanks for reply :-)) it's weird as love my bf so much but guess feels stale n like bit fun n feel alful saying that, but it's like pure string tension there I can feel it, today for instance I didn't go to his desk at all n he mailed me asking if ok, I said want to come lunch he said can't today but can't tomorrow, but he seems so quiet over there, I think though I know why he changed my other friend who also moved with him says they keep saying am his work wife etc n teasing him lot, prob y he quieter etc do u think?? But I gave him lift to bus stop after work n oh my god, told him my BBQ may not be on as my bf now watching football so only really girls there, he looked really gutted saying I wanted to see ur house spend time with my BMA n ur bf ruined it why, n was really down n said I can't hardly talk to u at work now pls arrange so can still do, I said will try n in car he put hand on my knee saying it's weird really miss u more than I thought n went quiet?? He also said girl on his section opposite he don't like her nothing compared to me none of them but I never asked him, I felt such an urge to grab him though but maybe reading all wrong sorry so long??
I'm sorry. I keep having a hard time getting into the question to answer! So first off I just want to say that you don't need to feel awful for saying that the relationship with your bf feels stale and having a flirtatious experience with someone else is fun. That is pretty normal and I think we all have been in a position like that before. When we are in a relationship for awhile, things can feel stale. Then add someone who you enjoy, are attracted to and shows interest in you, can make you feel good. We all like to be accepted, liked, wanted. So this point is where you need to look at if you want to spice up the relationship with your boyfriend or look at if you really want the relationship anymore. As far as the co-worker, if he was getting teased about you being his "work wife" that could definitely be why he pulled away or just wasn't as involved as he used to be. He moved to a new team and probably wants to fit in, not have any drama (which I think we both know women at work that will stir that up!), etc. The situation you described on the way to the bus stop definitely sounds like he was vulnerable and showing that vulnerability with you. Sharing how much he misses you, others don't compare to you, wishing to spend time with you are all signs that he really does care for you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi thanks so much for keep replieing, if honest I feel like me n my bf may not be as connected as thought n writing this upsets me, as I love him very much n he has always been there but recently I feel this, we live next door to his parents we rent the house of them, he is 7 yrs younger than me n only moved in with me last year n we been going out 5 years, he seems to have gone very tight with money like he has better n newer car than me mine broke, I was gonna get new one but his mum suggested I have his Auntys old car it's 16 years old,. Now stuck with that, we do stuff togeather but any Social thing like me having gathering at house he don't like unless his family, he will allow but not comfortable, he never comes to see my parents with me as live further away go on my own, he does talk etched with my family but it's like his akways come first,. They just got bck from holiday n has spent every moment spare with them or if not them on his computer with mates, he asks am I ok do I want him sitting with me I say up to u n goes upstairs, but he lovely guy n good guy, Think find work guy fun more interested I don't know as he paying me loads attention at min but know deep down he has gf n too old, am I wrong to feel 2nd best to my bf n we got dog too as he wanted one, very confused