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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5959
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Thank you for your reply! there is sometimes that we do go

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Thank you for your reply! there is sometimes that we do go out as a famliy but I am always on the edge thinking will the mother turn up, at the min I am here in london and my daughter has asked about a holiday and I said come over here to the apartment and we can spend time here as a famliy and go away from here, my daughter was very excited and said yes, then the next night just before she went to bed my so call wife was in the background warning her not to mention about holidays and comming here, so I can see the my so call wife is brainwashing her to not be saying about it, so that night my daughter said to me daddy I can not talk about it cos mummy says. at the min I am boycotting going home there but my daughter is going to suffer because she has got a lot of dancing at the minute and wants me to be there but I have told my wife that I will not put myself out anymore cos your not, so why would I if she does not. my mum and dad have never had a Christmas with my family it's always with my wife famliy and I have told my wife that I will not be there for this Christmas!! it's going to be hard but why should I put myself out, would that be a bad thing Kate
You're welcome!
It sounds like your wife is not willing to change her opinion about having your daughter visit with you in London. If you have talked to her and she still will not change and she is not willing to see a therapist, with or without you, then you may have to consider counseling on your own to decide what to do. You may feel that you want to leave the marriage, which is understandable. But you might want to talk out your feelings first before you decide, just to be sure that is your only option.
You can also try talking to your wife about a separation. Since you are not together a lot right now, a separation might not seem like a huge change. But along with a separation, you might want to consult an attorney about your options for custody. Your wife may be able to refuse to allow your daughter to see you when you are away, but with a custody agreement that could change.
Consider talking to both a counselor and an attorney to see what you want to do and what your rights are as a parent. The separation gives you time to try to sort out your marriage and may prompt your wife to reconsider her position with your daughter if you are considering a divorce. It may help her see that you are serious about what you are telling her. And an attorney can at least give you an idea of your parental rights.
No matter what you decide, try not to stay away from your daughter. She is caught in the middle of this situation and is not to blame for any of it. So try to put her first. Your wife seems to be struggling with that right now since she is forcing your daughter to do what she wants her to do, but your daughter needs to know that she is important to you and that no matter what, you will be there for her. Your relationship with her should be the first priority, no matter what your wife does to you.
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