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Ask Ashley
Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18
Experience:  Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.
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, I have been in an affair with Married

Customer Question

Hi, I have been in an affair with Married |Men for over two years... on an off..I kept breaking it off and coming back.. we both knew it was mostly about sex but we enjoyed also each others company and daily conversations. We work in the same company but in different departments so we didn't see each other every day but kept in daily communication. He started to be withdrawn over the recent weeks, and I became very insecure, as he didn't find much time to spend with me. We had a chat about it and he said he started feeling guilty, but also have lots of priorities at work that keep him busy and this is what he wants to focus on. He also said that I should start searching for someone to have a decent relationship with.. We agreed to be friends, he said he still wants to be in my life and we are just cutting out the sexual part of it.
We were in some contact for the last two weeks, mostly through his initiative, but then he became silent. I sent him email asking how he was doing and he took few long days to reply. When he replied however he suggested a trip together to another town where we could hang out together and maybe go for a drink. I thought it was a friendly invite so I accepted without thinking twice... The event is tomorrow, he said he will keep in touch and keep me updated. Since that day however he never logged in to our application where we would normally chat, and when he did today for few minutes to let me know he will keep me posted about the plan, he acted very withdrawn and his responses to my chat about day and general things were very short. Like he couldn't care less...
I am not sure what to do about tomorrow. If I should go and see him or not? I am also not sure what is running through his mind at this point, does he really wants to see me as a friend or is it just an excuse to try something with me? Or has he acted withdrawn today since he may feel that we shouldn't be hanging out and wants me to decline? Or is it form of some sort of manipulation at his end, as he can indeed be very manipulative...? Please help me to get some clear perspective on what is going on and what should I do???
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Ashley replied 3 years ago.
Ask Ashley :

Hi, I 'm sorry for your dilemma. The advice I give is what I would do, should I be in your scenario. To answer your questions:

1) It would be in your best interest not to see him tomorrow.

2) He is likely experiencing an internal dilemma himself between ending your guys' relationship and still continuing it. He may actually not follow-up with tomorrow, unless you seduce him to do so or insist.

Ask Ashley :

3) It is doubtful he is being maliciously manipulative, but rather, as I mentioned, not sure himself what to do. On one hand, you both fulfill each other's short term needs, but in the long run, it is damaging.

Ask Ashley :

Finally, what you can do is what I have done in these kinds of relationships. Take 2 weeks to yourself. Leave the town where both of you have spent time together, and avoid any contact with him whatsoever. No social media, cell phone, or anything. Then, in the meantime, I would actually recommend using the mobile application Tinder and making a dating advertisement on Craigslist. See how much you are desired by other men, and within safe settings, see them. You will be flattered by all the attention, and rebounding will do your sould wonders. Best of luck. You can do it!