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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3778
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. She

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My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship.
She currently is living with her old boyfriend but was planning to leave to get her own place in a different state and then ultimately move here.
We were also planning for her to visit myself before she moved to this new state. The flight all is still booked and paid for.
We talked everyday though recently in the last week she has been spending way more time on an online mmo she loves and barely talks to me unless I’m playing this game too.
She says she feel conflicted but says she still loves me. She doesn’t want to call unless shes finished playing her game which isn’t until late at night. She says she doesn’t feel emotional towards anything currently.
I am aware she might feel pressure into moving because she would have to move in the next few months.
She also hates her current job and is planning to quit it within the next week,
I’m not sure what I should do. Do I give her space? Play this game with her? Or just go away for a week? I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want too. But obviously I still miss her and want to spend time with her. This has been going on for the last week.
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things and she is going through her own stuff...maybe about the move, maybe about her life, job as you mention. I know it is hard to pull back and give her some space, but I think it is the best course of action so she can figure things out without her feeling pressure. I am not suggesting that anything you are doing is casuing her pressure...I think it is internal.

I would let her know that you love and care for her and will give her the time to explore what's going on for her. If she withdraws further into tthis game it indicates to me that she is trying to unplug from it all and have little stress. Your relationship is more than interacting with her through this game so I am in agreement with you that fro time to time it is okay, but not if it is in the place of real intimacy as the game does not afford that. It is a disconencted way of relating.

You sound like a gentleman but you also need to care for yourself here. Tell her how you feel and what you desire and see if she can respond in a way that feels good for you too.

I await any further thoughts if you have.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have tried telling her how I feel and sometimes she sees it as me being passionate and other times toxic. Would I need to pull back completely and cut off all communication or stay online and present? I’m not quite sure how much space to give her without myself becoming distant like her though it may make her realize that I’m being hurt by her not wanting to spend time with me and choosing to use it all on distracting herself with her game. She avoids emotional questions and is very much being the Aquarius. How can I also make her feel loved and wanted without coming across as needy?

All great questions...I would not cut off all communication but I would let her know that you are not desirous of only having an online/gaming relationship with her. Pull back in terms of how often you reach out by text...let her miss and want you a bit and come to you.
She knows how you feel as you stated above so not much more around that then is needed. Steer clear of the heavy stuff for a bit and see how that feels for you and if she can feel more at ease. In the end you will know if her style works for you and if you desire to stay in something like this. I am not sure at this time she can give more, but in time with giving her that pace to want and miss you, you will have more information and can proceed accordingly.
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