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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3785
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My partner got caught out about him going online and talking

Customer Question

My partner got caught out about him going online and talking to other people and planing on meeting up with them and has had FaceTime and Skype time with them,he also has dirty pictures and video of himself on his phone and when I confronted him he said he tried to send me them.we both are engaged have been for a year and I have always found it hard to trust him because of these events with people poping up on Facebook messenger and he swipes the notification away fast.i gave my whole life to move here to be with him and now I feel betrayeled heart broken.we have spoke about it and he said he only wants me and that he was wrong,I said I would try work things out but I don't know what I want anymore I need help .can you guys help??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

It sounds to me that he hasn't given you much reason to trust him or the relationship and has a quick answer or reason for things. Admitting that he has been wrong is a great first step, but it doesn't sound like it prevents him from doing it again. So you are left wondering if what he is saying is the truth. Yes, he may only want you, but he still has contact with others...he wants you and know you will be there and this is all very painful for you.

If he would be willing to get into couples counseling and look at his behaviors and see how they are affecting you and why he does them would also be a great start. I can understand your space of not knowing what you want and if things are workable. Will you be able to trust again, will you not look for things that he is doing wiht others...these are the things that need to be looked at and worked on so that you can see if this relationship has a chance. He wants to work on things and work things out, but what does that look always checking on him or him really looking at how he has treated you and the relationship and making changes. Because that is what needs to happen and I am not sure it can be done just by him saying he only wants you...would he be willing to go to counseling with you? do you want that? I don't hear that you are ready to walk away and leave the relationship, so what does working on things look like for you?

I await your reply.