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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3787
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I've Been married yrs to a completed finisher in a stressful

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I've Been married for 10 yrs to a completed finisher in a stressful job. We have two young children. In the past six years I've emotionally distanced myself as I've been so hurt so many times. Now I don't know if I love him or if I want this life together. He's very aggressive and I give in rather than ever get to make any choices about things. He is remote with the children and dips in and out on his own terms. I think it would break him as he has little family. I don't think he'll listen to me as this has gone so far. In the past he quickly gets angry and shouts and nothing has been resolved. I'm adrift.
TherapistJen
Are you still looking to speak with someone? I am here if so and ready to respond, but I can see you canceled your subscription so just want to check in.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes please. I just wanted to talk as a one off.
I am so sorry to hear of this an dhow adrift you feel. It sounds like you have been living in this way for some time and have done what you can to keep the family together. I hear how you believe an ending to the marriage would break him and I also hear yor loss of what to do now. Has marital therpay occured or the subject been approached? This would be one way to begin to look at all the issues and his distance and yours.

If neither of you desire therpay then I believe things will remain the same and leave you both unfulfilled..you adrift and he, angry. If you don't believe that therapy will be the answer then it comes down to you truly asking yourself what you want for the rest of your life. You have young children so they need to be considered as well and what would be best for all involved. If you believe that none of it is workable then really spend the time with your feelings and get clear on what you want and begin advocating for it. Hard to be adrift and I think that once you really spend time with yourself and decide what you need and want you can go to him with an open and frnak discussion about the marriage, the issues, your desires. At that time you can express how you feel in the marriage and ask him for the same...then you can both talk together about possible solutions.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have asked him before to come with yo couples therapy bit he feels it would take far too much time and doesn't wan to do it. I think I need to work out on my own what the children need and what I would like for the short and medium term. If I then talk to him he will probably choose some of it and then hit the roof at some of it. It always seems to boil down to me just letting it go and putting up. It's very unpredictable whether we can ever actually talk. I dread bringing anything up as he often will tear a strip off me leaving me licking my wounds for days. I suppose I need the strength to work out what me and the children need and then see it through, feels like being on a hamster wheel going no where.

I can hear how daunting it is and how you give over...each time you do you are losing more and more of you. Where are you? Do you matter? I think so which is why I encourage you to dig deep and know what you want and deserve.

I feel for you and what you are up against. Please take the time to know what you want and ask for it. And if he can't do it, then you are left with a decision about how you want your life to be moving forward.

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