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DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 383
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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With regard to my previous question and conversation with you

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With regard to my previous question and conversation with you concerning my Muslim partner, he has now stopped all the phone nonsense and finished with FaceBook, closing down his account. The internet child porn was apparently downloaded by a virus three years ago and he says he did not know about it. It has been deleted. He is taking his religion seriously, and learning his prayers and performing them. He is now more like he was when I first met him. He is very keen to marry me, and observe much better behaviour, and his family are keen for this too, since their religion encourages it. So now he is looking at wedding dates. And as for me... I love him enormously, but I know all this religion is a lot to take in, and a lot to demand of oneself, although I can learn the Arabic easily enough since I love languages. Charlotte Bronte wrote in her novel 'Jane Eyre'; " I am no bird, and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will". How does the spirit of those words rest within women of the Muslim faith? Where is the joy in Islam? Where is the Music, when they believe that the devil rests in every note? Where is the dancing, the fun, the laughter, the feeling that one is on top of the world? I am a Music and English teacher, with a wide range of artistic and cultural interests.. where is the place for all that in Islam? When Muslims are expected to pray five times a day, and fast for a month starting 17th June, this year... where is the joy, the happiness? It all seems to be subjugation, and fear. They focus on the after-life and believe in all manner if 'jinns' and devils, all engineered to keep their heads down praying all day.... They have a thousand rules that should be observed and then more so .... Anne...
Hi Anne,
Thanks for writing back--I was very happy to read that he really has seemed to change. Like I had written, it takes a life-altering event to change; for him it probably is a combination of marrying you and his faith--both of which are HUGE life changes. And I truly hope it's real. So far from what you write, it does sound real, and that is wonderful for you.
I confess to not knowing much in-depth about the Muslim religion. I have come across Muslim students, and when they talk to me in my office, I always ask as much as I can just to learn. I know there are different "sects" of the religion, especially in the States. But I really don't know much about the practices in the UK. I'm guessing it may be more conservative from what you say...and more restrictive for women. Honestly, from what I "know," to me it is far too demeaning to women. But I acknowledge that I don't have close to all the details and am probably going off what I see on the media; of course the media is guilty of gate keeping...
I guess my question for you is, are you expected to convert and observe all of these rules? From your words, it doesn't sound like you can embrace this faith, at least not all of the tenets, rules, observances, etc. And at least from my limited understanding, you can't be a "half Muslim." You have to go in all the way. Are you asking my advice regarding whether to marry this man or not in light of the recent changes but also wanting you to convert?
I'll be on later...i think it's probably a little after 11 p.m. your time. It's after 6 p.m. my time and we are going to do the family dinner; but I'll at least be able to reply later tonight to whatever you write if you do. Or if you respond in the morning, as soon as I get your reply, I'll respond.
Take good care,
--Dr. Jackie
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Dr. Jackie,

Thank you for responding to my conversation, and for your comments. I do not think my partner expects me to embrace all the rules of Islam, or pray every day, or fast during their month of fasting, or to wear different clothing etc... he just likes me to learn some of the prayers, so that I have some knowledge of them. He is trying to say the five daily prayers himself, but of course, with work commitments, it is impossible to achieve! He is very keen to marry. Many thanks, Anne.

I'm glad to read that you seem to be in a much better place. And it sounds like maybe his "life-altering experience" may be his renewed commitment to his faith. And I think that was one of the "textbook" examples I mentioned that really can help a person change his/her behavior.
Please let me know if you ever want to chat again!
Best wishes,
--Dr. Jackie
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