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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5956
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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There has been an episode in my relationship with my bf

Customer Question

Hi, there has been an episode in my relationship with my bf which broke my trust in him. He has changed his behaviour, which I believe. What I seem to struggle with, is his friendships with other women. He shared some 'sext' msgs with this girl and although hasnt done so since, he is continuing to msg her and arrange to meet up. He is a 'connector' type, he has a big network around him and he needs to feel inspired by the people he talks to. Apparently, this girl inspires him and they can talk about the big stuff he is into with work. Unfortunately, due to the 'sexts' they shared, I don't feel comfortable with the friendship now and I have asked him not to continue meeting her. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and unfair and says he will continue to keep in touch with her. He says he is not interested in anything physical with her.
I feel my request is justified. How do I get around it?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
You may not want to get around this situation as much as see it as a warning sign. Your boyfriend is with you and should not need others to inspire him, especially involving sexting with another girl. He may label this as an inspiring relationship but what is basically is is cheating.
You deserve to have a partner who is fully with you only and puts you first. But your boyfriend is using his desire for inspiration in order to put his needs first. So your feelings about this are correct. You should never be forced to feel comfortable with your partner being intimate with another person. And it is perfectly fine to ask him to stop seeing this other person. But you need to pay attention to his response. Does he agree and actually stop? Or does he balk or refuse? And if he does agree to stop, will he allow you access to his computer and phone in order to regain your trust through proof he is not cheating? Those are the questions that need answered before you decide if this relationship is worth saving or if you need to move on to a relationship where you get the respect you deserve.
I hope this has helped you,
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