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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5927
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My name is ***** ***** partner and I have been together

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My name is ***** ***** partner and I have been together for 6 years we were happy I have cheated in the past but not for a long time and I feel no need I have sorted my issues and she stuck by me through it all recently I found out she kissed her manager and now she doesn't know what she wants she says she loves me but doesn't know where her head is I will do anything to work this out I already forgive her how could I not knowing what I have done and I still trust her how can I motivate her to try and work for us and not give up??
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. When someone cheats on their partner, it usually means that person is putting themselves first. Sometimes that can be for selfish reasons (especially if the person is typically selfish in other ways as well), or it can mean that person has unmet needs or issues that they feel they cannot resolve right now. Often those issues come from their own past, but get mixed up in their relationships. So they become vulnerable to putting themselves first in order to try to feel better, however temporary that is. What you can do to help your partner is be very supportive. You were the one being cheated on, yes, but right now your goal is to keep the relationship together then work on your/her issues. So by being supportive, you give your partner that chance to bring her unresolved needs or issues to you. Begin by letting her know you do trust her and that you understand. Tell her that your goal is to use this to make your relationship better for her and you. Right now, you both are going through a difficult time. But tell her that by sticking together, you can work this through and find your way. Then encourage her to share her feelings with you. Tell her that no matter what, you want to be there for her and that all of her feelings matter to you. Also, consider therapy together. With both of you now having a history of infidelity in your relationship, it sounds like there is an issue with your connection. And it is very common for two people to bring past issues into their relationship, causing problems that may have little to do with the actual relationship and more to do with past history or childhood. A therapist can help you both sort out the cause of your problems and guide you on how to solve them. Here are some resources to help you. They might be about marriage, but since you both had planned on marrying, they will apply to you and help you both: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson The Power of Two Workbook: Communication Skills for a Strong & Loving Marriage by Susan Heitler and Abigail Hirsch I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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