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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5927
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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It's probably a kind of naive question but although

Customer Question

Hello. It's probably a kind of naive question but although i'm in my forties I've only had one serious relationship which lasted a year. I really liked relationship and would like to be in one. At the moment there are a number of people I'm drawn to. As an elderly friend of mine used to say 'they're on your screen'. My worry is that I might have too many windows open and I'd hate above all else to be insincere and lead someone on but a little sexual energy between people or even a kind of caring energy is all part of being human but I find it confusing. I suppose I'm wondering how to get to know people, being genuine but not feeling confused by having feelings for more than one person. I don't want to lose out by not committing to one person but I don't want to limit myself either on that search for someone special. What would be an appropriate approach? Thanks.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. It sounds like you have been in a relationship already which is a good indication that you have some basis for how a relationship works. And the fact that you are drawn to a number of people says that you know what attracts you to someone. Those are both good starting points. What helps is to get to know those people you are already drawn to better. Right now, you may not have enough information to know which person may be good for you in a relationship and which one might not. So focus on the people you are already involved with and put your energy towards getting to know them better. That means spending more time with them, learning more about them and their lives and being as genuine as you can with them about who you are. The people that will not work out in a relationship will naturally weed themselves out because there will be little to sustain the relationship. But those who are good for you in a relationship will continue to be attracted to you and you to them. Also, spend some time learning more about what you want out of a relationship and your life in general. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to find others who make you happy because you know what you are looking for. Even if you choose not to get into a serious relationship right now (sometimes it is not the right time, you will know when it is), you benefit greatly when you are aware of what you want from others and what makes you happy. Try exploring new experiences that you never considered, meeting new people and keeping a journal about your day to day experiences and feelings. You may also want to consider therapy to get deeper into what motivates you in life and how you express yourself. Exploring who you are is vital to finding what you want and it makes it a lot easier to find satisfying relationships. Here are some resources to help you get started: Finding Yourself: Discover How to Find Yourself, Define Yourself, and Pave Your Own Path Into the Futureby Ian Branneth Relationships: How to Find, Create, and Sustain Loving and Fulfilling Relationships - Dating, Friendship & Angel Greene Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren'tby Henry Cloud and John Townsend I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
I have not heard back from you. Please let me know if you have any further questions or need clarification.
Thank you,