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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question
Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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After being in a relation than 3 years my

Customer Question

After being in a relation for more than 3 years my partner decided to separate without telling or discussing anything with me as He thinks we are not getting on. What could be the reason?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Hi, Thanks for your question and I would like to help. How do you feel the relationship had been going prior? Were there any major issues?How was the communication and did you both spend quality time togethet?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Janet,

I'd say we were good. He is a nice person. Think about me.

But because of his work commitment she has to travel a lot. Most of the time I was on my own. It is because I work for the same business which we own and I work from home. There is also a financial issue. I have invested into the business and the money we make is insufficient for expenses/ maintenance. He still pays his ex-wife which is from the business where we both make money.

Very often I can't have my own time because of he can't give much time during the day and we need to catch up in the evening. On top he wanted me to sit with him even if he drafting any letter.

Regarding communication was fairly good. We have resolved our many issues ourselves. We also have spent some quality time together.

I understand that he is extremely busy that's why didn't push him for anything as I know and manages his diary as well. Still doing.

For me I feel like he is using me in other word is blackmailing me emotionally "saying it's your business too" but I can't see any profit in the business nor have any benefit from it.

He is fulfilling is most expensive gadgets and related desires through the business and his ex-wife is getting her maintenance. I'm getting a very low salary because business couldn't afford more than that.

I can't leave it like this because I don't have money. Also he neither has money nor can pay for getting separated. If I leave now there is less possibility to get my investment back.

Please call me if you want to discuss further. My number is *****

Many thanks for coming back to me. Boo

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am so sorry about what has happened. It seems that the business kind of got in the way of your marriage. There was no separation between your personal and business life. This may have been what caused him to behave this way. This is very unfair to you because this could have been worked out if he had communicated with you rather than just leave. No one knows the true reason he left except for him, but if he feels you both were not getting on well I surely think it is due to lack of quality time together. I would try to discuss this with him in order to see if he is willing to work through it and also maybe there can be changes in your business set up. Also, you may want to consider if it is truly worth staying in the business if you are not making money. Sometimes it's better to cut our loses before we lose more. I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be if further help.