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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I met this guy online 3 months ago. We have been chatting

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I met this guy online 3 months ago. We have been chatting ever since and met once and connected instantly. We talked about meeting up again. What he says indicates to me that he has strong feelings for me. I have no doubt about that, however he is still married even though they are just friends and he always says he doesnt want to hurt his children. He is very confused about our relationship. All of it was just online and still is. We met once and kissed. It seems such a shame throwing all this away where him and I have no functioning relationship anymore. I am feeling devastated because this guy means so much to me and he feels so strongly about me too. We have had this lond discussion the other night and he is very undecisive, but has absolutely no doubt how he feels about me. I cannot let go of him, but dont know what to do. I want to see him so much again, but he thinks he is selfish. What is your advice?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I would like your advice how to best deal with the situation. Sometimes I want to totally cut him off and get on with my life, but then I am so drawn to him and he assures me how strongly he feels about me, but that he doesnt want to leave his children which I have never adk him to. After 3 months chatting we had such an amazing date and it seems such a shame to throw this away. All there is with his wife is friendship. he is in a separate room. they havent been intimite for years. my relship is non existent.
Hi, Thanks for your question. I would be very careful with this because people are not always honest in regards ***** ***** situation regarding their current relaationship. Also, online people tend to fib even more. As you know relationships are not easy and online are even more difficult. This is because you can not truly get to know the person. You know only what they show and tell. It is easy to show our best sides in this situation. When you are with a person through daily situations is when you truly get to see their personality, such as how they react under pressure, stress, how they treat others in daily life situations, as well as how they treat you under these circumstances. People are not always the people we thought they were and it is these situations that actually help is to get to know who someone really is. It is not easy and this is why online makes it even more risky. I would take this in consideration as well as the situation he is with his family and determine if all of this is truly worth it to you. You would need to deal with his children and wife and how that will unfold in the future even if he were to leave as well as the fact that you do not truly know this person well enough yet. Is this something you truly want to get deeper into. This is what I would determine in order to make the best decision for yourself. You both have been talking for 3 months and I understand feelings form, but 3 months would be easier to get over now rather than if you get deeper into this and need to get over it in 3 years if things did not work out the way planned. It is just a situation that is risky with a lot of baggage. Is it really worth it when you can find someone who his single and without the risks involved with him. Be true to yourself and the situation in order to make the best decision. Think about where you want to see yourself in 5 years and if this is something you can see yourself wanting to be involved in. I wish you the very best and please let me know if I can be of further help
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Dear *****
Thanks for your reply, yes you are right it is difficult and he is very confused, but I have no doubt how he feels about me, but then action speaks louder than words and as he is very busy I don't sometimes feel he is giving me the attention I need. I am finding it difficult to control my feelings. I think maybe it's better to cut of with him for some time, because speaking to him doesn't help me sometimes and I would like to see him again, but it is difficult for him! Could you give me any advice on how to control my strong feelings and move on? Thanks
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
When I think of him due to talking to him for over 3 months now and thinking of our date which was better than I expected it it makes me want me to meet him and be intimiate with him so much and these strong feelings I am finding very difficult to channel and I don't want to strangle him with my emotions, so if there are some tricks or tactics I can use to get over these feelings, I would very much appreciate it. Thanks
It is my pleasure to help. The best way to handle this is to remind yourself what you deserve and what you are looking for and that he is unable to give you that right now. Keep busy and try to find new hobbies or interest and act upon them. Maybe try things you have always wanted to or start new projects. Work on yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually in order to find peace within and build your own self confidence. By doing this it will help you elaminate negativity easier. Also, try not to think about him. If a thought comes in to play then replace it with a different thought. In the beginning this will take active work on your part, but in time it will become natural until you are over him. Give it some time, but you will be able to do it. Sometimes it's better to go through a difficult phase to get to a better place then to remain in that phase wishing things will change, but without any true hope.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** terms of him, should I say anything to him about this or just trying not to speak to him? I don't want to cut him off yet, it would be too drastic I think, but I will try to work on myself to get over the pain!
This depends on what you truly want. If you want to move on it would be best to let him know how you feel, what you plan to do, and why you feel it is best. You can even let him know how you feel and would like to stay with him if certain things were to change. Then he would have the opportunity to change or allow you to go. On the other hand if you want to wait a little and see where things go before ending it completely then it is best to not say anything yet unless you try just communicating in order to work on the relationship.
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