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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5928
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been seeing a cancerian male aged 52 single. I know

Customer Question

I have been seeing a cancerian male aged 52 single. I know as a child he had issues with his mother who was a single mother with various step fathers and ended up living with his grandmother. All the women he has as friends seem to be the same type and I feel would be as his mother would have been so they all the same type. I am not though which makes me feel rather insecure. He say to me he never met anyone like me before. That I am so kind and caring. But I don t think he really see me as someone he have as relationship , although when I am with him it's feels that we are very close and as we talk so alike in many ways.
I met him three years ago but only recently have I been inmate with him. I love him very much but I play it down to only wanting to b friends with him as I don't want to frighten him away. He a very quiet man and communication can be difficult but once I am in the same room it's so different and warm and sensual and feels like my soulmate. Recently his mother has died and he did attend the funeral and pay his respects. He does have two childern which are 26 and 16 one living with him. Have I any chance of him actually one day of his feeling growing into love for me He so silent and deep I think be very difficult to ever know what his true feelings are for his fear of reject or getting hurt Can you please advise me.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. From what you said, it sounds like your friend may have been emotionally hurt by what happened to him as a child. If he was not close to his mother and was raised by his grandmother, that could indicate that his mother never truly bonded with him. And when children do not bond with their parents/caregivers, it can affect their ability to have normal relationships when they are adults. They may not understand what normal love and trust look like so they continuing seek dysfunctional relationships that match what they do know. You also noted that your friend seems attracted to certain kinds of women and he seems thrown off by how kind you are to him. That also could indicate that he continues to be affected by his childhood. He continues to seek women who may be like his mother so he can repeat the patterns of his childhood. And you stand out most likely because you treat him like he should have been treated and he is not used to that. In order to make a relationship work with someone who has relationship issues, you need to be aware of the issues and encourage the person to seek help for what they have been through. Many people benefit from talking about their past experiences so they can heal. That can mean he talks to you, a therapist or a trusted friend. But he needs to work out whatever is wrong first before he can have a normal relationship with someone who treats him with respect and kindness. Also, continue to invite him to spend time with you. Talk to him about his past, if he allows it, and encourage him to share with you. You can also work on building trust between you, which will help him open up about himself. This is vital to any relationship, but especially when someone has been hurt in the past. If you can continue to encourage him, he may slowly open up to you. I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!