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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5929
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My girlfriend and I have been going through a rocky patch,

Customer Question

My girlfriend and I have been going through a rocky patch, we decided to break up then got back together after a week. She was saying how much she loved me and we were getting on really well and then we had one argument about me wanting to see her, I guess I tried to make her feel guilty rather than emphasise with her needs to do work. Then she called and said she wants to cut all ties I am so confused. What do I do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. It sounds like your girlfriend has some unresolved issues from your original break up so when you argued this time, she responded by saying she wants to cut all ties. When someone is hurt in a relationship, any future disagreement can also include resentments and unresolved pain from previous problems. That may be why she reacted so strongly to your argument. In order to deal with what happened, you may want to try contacting your girlfriend again. There is a good chance that she still loves you, based on what she told you, and that you can repair your relationship based on that. Tell her how sorry you feel about the argument. Take full responsibility, even if it was not totally your fault. Right now, the goal is to get her back and talking with you again, not worrying about who's fault the argument was. Once your girlfriend is willing to talk again, try to encourage her to share her feelings about your break up. Even if she lashes out or is upset, try to be supportive. Tell her that you understand and that you want to find ways to help her to feel better. Ask her what you can do to help. For example, if the break up was about trust, work on rebuilding trust between you by being open and honest with her. Do what it takes to help her to see that you love her and truly want to be with her. If she is unwilling to talk or won't work out the relationship issues with you, then you may want to suggest counseling or someone who can mediate what is happening such as a friend of hers that you also get along with. She stated she still loves you, so it may take some time to get her defenses down in order to repair the issues between you. You can also give her some time. If she won't talk or is too upset, give her space. That does not mean you have to stop contact however. Send her cards (do this via regular mail, texting and emails are too impersonal), flowers or special gifts you know she will like. Say encouraging things like "thinking of you" or "I'm here for you". It will give her more reason to try again with you. I hope this has helped you,Kate May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!