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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3776
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Is there a future relationship? I live with my boyfriend

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Is there a future for my relationship? I live with my boyfriend in Spain, where I first met him several years ago. After a long distance relationship of over a year I found a new job and decided to make the move from the UK to Spain. We moved in together and have been living together for almost a year.
As a teacher I have weekends off whereas he works every weekend, so spending time together is difficult.
During the summer I went to the UK to visit family alone. He had the time off from work and had been invited to come with me to a wedding but later decided he didn't want to (he's not a Spanish national so needed a visa to travel) which he said was the reason. Right now he is in the Caribbean visiting his family. I have no problem with him visiting his family but it only adds to my feeling of disappointment at the lack of time spent together. At Christmas I will be going to see my family on my own again as he is working. With no shared experiences how can we have a future?
Maybe my expectations were unrealistic. I imagined that we would be able to organise our schedules more effectively within a year. Was that too ambitious of me! Perhaps I didn't communicate well enough how let down I feel by the last 10 months and how the majority of holidays we've had have been separate. He assures me that next year will be different, but so far the signs are not good. I don't think he realises the sacrifices I've made for our life together. I would really appreciate an opinion and some advice. Am I being unreasonable or unrealistic?
Should I be patient and hold out for a brighter future together next year?
Thanks for giving me some insight into the nature of the relationship. It seems as if you have both been a bit content and coasting and now it is time to step it up....communicate more about how you feel and what you want and make it happen. Only then with some time under your belt with a new way of being will you be able to see whether the relationship works for you. I think travel to see see family is okay but you both must find the time to be with one another. If you don't do that then you will both most likely feel unfulfilled. First step is to communicate how you feel and what you want, then put some things in place that create together time and it does not have to be travel, then see how things go and how you feel during this time. Give it the proper time to advocate for some change and then see if things do change. You desires are not unrealistic. You want time together and any great relationship needs that.
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