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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Ive been having problems with my boyfriend, we have been together

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ive been having problems with my boyfriend, we have been together for 4 years. we fight alot now hes not being my perfect boyfriend anymore and i am just raging most of the time. I just feel like it more out this and I feel that i am not being treated right, i love him thats for sure. But there is missing. Its our third year being in a long distance relationship and its making us worse and worse. our problems consists of either sometimes i am being distant or vice versa, and the spice to our relationship isnt the same. when he gets mad he doesnt want to talk which makes us even more distant beacuse were in a long distance. sometimes i feel that he is settled and i mean in it by that he doesnt need to put the effort anymore and do different things. Were still young were both 21, i just miss this the exciting things. we bicker on anything and argue alot. maybe were growing up to being different people i dont know. i never doubted his love for me and i know i love him so much and we fought so hard to make this work. But, the fighting and fighting is just making me drown
Jen Helant
Hi, I would like to help. Do you have a specific question or would like advice?
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I dont know what to do make us happy again
Do you both plan to keep this a long distance relationship or do you see this could change in the near future? I think this will Play a huge role on your relationship. Relationships are not easy, so with the distance that just makes it even more difficult. There may be a number of issues involved here, but communication is extremely important. In order to bring back any type of happiness he needs to be willing to talk to you and work together. I would try to look out for the things that are causing the problems in the weeks that are not good as well as the changes made when things are good. Do you see any differences between those? If so what may they be? I can help you work through them all in order to stay on the path of happiness.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
we are both studying now in different countries and we have a year and a half left till we graduate and go back living in the same country. okay so first of all, one of the main things we fight about is him smoking too much weed which affects the communication between us. He tried so many times to not do it a lot for me but it really does disgusts me, it just brings another side of him thats really boring and that's not his personality. He is my age so there are times were l feel hes childish when it comes to his ego he barely compromises as much as i do. i hate that. We left each other before twice but only for 2 weeks max. They were because of what i just mentioned. Every time he cries wanting me back and promising he wont let the weed affect our relationship, and he will compromising more. But, still i feel its a challenge for him and i just want him to do it coz hes happy and willing to not because he has too.
Thanks for explaining. I do understand where you are coming from. It is not easy to be with someone that engages in behaviors that you do not agree on or against. And I agree with you that in order for him to truly change he has to want to give it up himself or else he will only go back to it as he has been. There are always disagreements in a relationship, but it is how the two handle them that can make or break the relationship. There is not a perfect relationship and they all take work. However, there needs to be some basic underlying principals and foundation that a couple is in agreement on. There should be no compromise on that otherwise there will be many problems. For example the issue with the weed is a huge factor and if he is not willing to get help for this then you may want to consider the future of the relationship. It will just be a vicious cycle if he is not trying and if you will not accept it, which I don't think you should have to. Other important aspects of a relationship to create a strong foundation would be things like respect, communication, same beliefs on topics, such as religion, raising childing, starting or not starting a family, drugs, alcohol, future goals. All of these are extremely important in addition to love. If you have these then the foundation is strong and any challenges that come in life can be worked out. However, if the foundation is not there then it can either be a vicious cycle or cause life long disagreements that will create many problems throughout the relationship since they involve crucial aspects of life and a healthy realtionship.
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