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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3766
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I been in relationship with a girl years we broke

Customer Question

Hi. I been in relationship with a girl for 3 years we broke up but still remained friends. With benefits I then moved back from the states we see each other every 6 months or so. We're still close. I was planning to go see her and go on a road trip then she said we could cut costs by having her friend come along. She then said for me not to expect anything to happen. Then I said I wasn't going because I'm going to spend 1500 euro on a trip to hang out with her friends and that it's not worth me investing the time and effort on a relationship that is going nowhere She said she was hurt because once she took sex out of the equation I lost interest. I'm 35 and she's 24 I don't want to pressure her into marriage but I feel lik it's to hard to be her friend and watch her date other guys Am I being shallow? My plan (which I proposed to her) was that I will move back to the states when we are both done with college. She was indifferent in her response and said she doesn't want a long distance thing. We talk everyday on skype and she is my best friend. I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
You don't sound shallow. You sound like you care and love her deeply and desire more. She has been clear about not wanting anything long distance so it may have to be that you keep this friendship going until such a time when you can both be in the same pace and develop the type of relationship you desire. I would let her know you are there with her and for her and it is not just about sex for you and you will do what it takes to remain in each others lives. There is no way to predict how things will end up, but keep being loving and supportive.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks Jen. She had been in a relationship with another guy since. It's very hard for me to see this. Would it not(as most of my friends say) easier to just cut all commnications and move on. I feel like it would be aweful at first but I would get over it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
Only you can decide that for yourself. If she is with someone else and you feel like it is torture to continue just as friends, then it may be the only option for you right now. Yes, it will be hard at first, but you will get strong again. Give yourself the time to figure it out and mourn the loss if you decide to end the communication. It sounds very painful for you to be in the wings so to speak.
If you decide to move on, then allow yourself to feel what you feel and then things will get easier and you will live again!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks so much in advance.