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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3785
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My husband has been having an affair years. I found

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My husband has been having an affair for 15 years. I found out 4 years ago and have tried to make our marriage work and I thought that he was too. I have now found phone and e-mails from her to him and from him to her which shows that they are still together. Over the last 3 years he has not spent a night away from me but I feel that the affair is still going on. If I confront him he denies it and says that I am crazy.
I know that as a rational woman I should leave him but I know that he will tell everyone that it is all in my mind and that I am mad. I really fear that he will convince my sons and their wives that it is all me and that I drink too much and that he is the victim.
What can I do so that I do not lose my family?
I am sorry to hear of this ongoing pain for you. You are in a tough spot because you love him, want to be with him but also want him to be open with you and he won't. I would go to him again and let him know how you love and care for him and are only wanting to have a good marriage with him and that you understand if he is still with this woman and that things could be easier if it could be out in the open so you can work through it. My thought is that he may not want to be honest because he does not want to give up the affair so denying it feels easier. If he continues to refuse to be open then you are left with the choice of what to do...stay and pretend it doesn't exist or leave him. I do not hear that you want your marriage to end, so go to him with love, are and empathy and maybe he will be open. I hope so for your peace of mind.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. I guess I have limited options. I have an open and honest nature so further disembling is difficult.
I will try to talk to him again but I am fearful of physical reprisals.
I am sorry that you fear of physical reprisals and I hope that you can do what it takes to be safe, get yourself law enforcement if the need arises and do what you need to care for yourself. Safety first, always!
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