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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3763
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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So my fiancé started with this online business thing a

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So my fiancé started with this online business thing a couple of years ago. I have never been keen on it but it seems to make him happy. He’s connected with people all around the world and he has learnt new skills etc. Despite not really making any real money from it yet he claims it is benefiting.He’s always on calls over Skype or messaging the people in this community. It’s basically took over our lives and I’ve found it quite difficult to support him and accept it. I feel quite insecure about the sudden change and all these almost virtual people in his life. He’s travelled to London to have conferences and spent the weekend there a few times which I haven’t really liked especially when he works abroad anyway so we go for weeks at a time without seeing each other. What is really bothering me and making me really question our relationship is the fact that they hold events around the world in really desirable places like New York, Mexico, Melbourne etc and of course he wants to go to these places.Now I’m fully aware that this is probably me being insecure and jealous and holding him back. But I just can’t bear the thought of him going around the world with these people for what I see as basically a holiday. We’re due to marry in a few months and I don’t know if I can have that life with him. I just don’t see how it’s necessary to do what he says he’s going for, right over the other side of the world. Also if he does go on these trips then it could mean we go for a couple of months or more without seeing each other as he has to work abroad as well.He’s really good to me, treats me well and is a great guy. I do trust him but I think it’s the thought of him having fun with these people while I’m stuck at home. He would even like me to go with him but I feel like that would be even worse. I’m a really quiet person and spending all that time with people I don’t know that all have stuff in common that I don’t, makes me really uncomfortable. It’s just not my cup of tea. So on one hand I think I should just let him go and do what he needs to do but on the other I think no it’s really unfair and unnecessary.How do I deal with it, am I being far too insecure?
It's not about you being insecure but rather accepting this is what he enjoys doing and seems like it will continue. I would say insecurity would exist if he never asked you to join him, but it is your choice to stay back home. It really comes down to whether this fit feels right for you and you want to marry him with this business passion. Maybe if you joined him on an excursion you might surprise yourself and find the time enjoyable and you may even do things while away that you enjoy, but at least you would know you are included and could then choose.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. I think you're right and I do think I should probably think about going along with him. I just think I would not like it at all as it's just not my cup of tea.
I was hoping you might be able to give some advice on accepting him going on the trips. I thought it might be more helpful for me if I could have some time away with a friend while he is away but all my friends are busy with there own lives jobs and kids etc or don't have the funds. It would probably be quite unlikely I would get anyone to book a trip with me. I just can't bear the thought of sitting home alone while he has fun with these people I don't even know. He is always travelling with his job and I take care of everything at home and also do my job while he's away just seems unfair to me.
It might not feel like your cup of tea but you can always try it once.If you prefer to stay behind then why not find a new activity..something you haven't done before...a dance class, a yoga class, a book club, tennis, a children's charity, that when he is gone, you can immerse yourself. Go out with your friends when their schedule allows but find some stuff that interests you. Use that time for your own self care and growth. Be as open and you can about a trip with him and also trying something new or yourself.
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