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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3784
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My partner and I had a difficult conversation last night about

Customer Question

My partner and I had a difficult conversation last night about how we feel about each other. He challenged me when I told him I loved him and asked "but do you?" I want to but he has been pretty emotionally cold for a long time. We discussed this and he told me that he'd felt numb for a long time, if he lost his job he wouldn't care, if me, his mum or sister weren't around anymore he would be fine, he just doesn't think anything would make him happy OR sad. How am I supposed to love someone who thinks like that? He's caring he's supportive and always there for me, but I don't feel loved. He said he's concerned about it, he knows he should feel something but he just doesn't, for anything!
He lost his father 7 years ago and he was the key person in his life, his go to for everything. I met him a couple of years after that and we bonded over talking about it as he confided in me about it. I was the first person he spoke to about his feelings but he's closed up again.
Is this grief? I don't know what to do...I can't lie I don't feel the same way about him. It's hard loving a stone. I want to help him I'm just trying to figure out if this is a fight I should see through or if it's time to cut my losses.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He's also very critical of me, I know I'm not the most observant person and I miss things like mud on the carpet or i will not clean the skirting boards and he just feels like I am not trying. I think I am, I do what I can but for everything I do correctly he will only see the things I have done wrong. He sees this as me not trying or caring.He wants to feel loved but I'm struggling. I'm not a neat freak but I'm no slob either and I don't think that makes me a bad person. He just doesn't listen to my concerns instead he defends himself and if I do hit on something that he does wrong that he knows is wrong then he finds something I do to counter it. He doesn't say "sorry" he says it very rarely. It's so frustrating.He sounds a bit of a monster here, he's not malicious he is a good person just particular.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like he is dealing with some tough emotional could be grief from the loss of his Dad, but without knowing if he was this way before his death, it is hard to know if it is only related to that. Unless he feels the need to go talk with someone to work through his feelings then it is quite possible that this is how it will be for both of you. It is hard to be with someone whom is closed off. If he is desirous of looking at things and working on them, then that would be great. If he doesn't then you might need to ask yourself if this is what you want moving forward.