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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 722
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My partner is a sex addict

Customer Question

Hi my boyfriend of two years broke up with me saying he did not love me. I walked away. Next day he came back. Said he could not bare me thinking he did not love me. Truth was he had slept with a number of women behind my back. He is now in sex addiction therapy. He is 50. I am 40. I love him so much. I have told him I will stand by him. So everything was going ok. Well u know what I mean. Yest he went to therapy straight after session he text to say he didn't want a relationship and I was making him go backwards. So a few more texts he said he fears hurting me again. I deserve better etc. Now what I can't figure out are these excuses? I don't know what way to turn.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 1 year ago.

Therapy for any addiction is a rough road - and, it's often suggested that members not be involved in relationships at the time they're trying to clean themselves up. So, he may be confused by how to proceed - thinking that he can't focus on both his treatment and his relationship. Especially in the beginning, it can be very tough to have to own up to how much hurt he's put you through. My guess is that his therapy is forcing him to truly focus on some of his destructive behaviors and the guilt is getting to him. This is a natural response - especially if it occurred right after a session.

All that is to say that I don't think he's 'making excuses,' per se. I think he may just be having a hard time looking at the pain he's caused. If you can pull back a bit and let him 'vent' about it, without feeling like the relationship is threatened, it may be better. Have you spoken since his initial texts? Did he say he wanted to break up, or just that he was worried about hurting you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi sorry for delay. We had a holiday planned with the kids. Was lovely. Now he says he does not love me. That he does not know what love is. Never has and it's over as I don't deserve this. Or to be dragged through the process. So first dumps me saying he does not love me. Then comes back with the lies and hurt. Said he couldn't bare me thinking I wasn't loved. I say I will stand by him then a few weeks latter no I don't love you! Now I'm strong but I'm about to lose it. Please help me
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi. So he has totally ended our relationship. Says he needs to get better. I'm so annoyed. After I accept his bad behaviour and tell him I will help him I'm dumped. So I now feel worse than ever. He off loaded his hurtful secrets then discarded me