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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3784
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My partner and I have been together 3 years. He had a very

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My partner and I have been together 3 years. He had a very difficult upbringing and experienced a lot of abuse from his parents growing up in South Africa. Through the abuse he experienced, he tends to be very moody and unpredictable, often angry and uses me as a sounding board. I am a typical fixer however I stand my ground if I'm disrespected. A few days ago, I found him on a hook
Up site having asked girls out to dinner. He blames
It on self esteem issues. However, he has also been watching a lot of porn recently and seems to always mess up when it comes to being faithful to me online. In person, he's makes me feel like a princess when we go out. He would never speak to a girl flirtatiously and always puts me first. What do I do? I'm hurt, suspicious and I don't trust his intentions. No matter what he says, I just don't believe him anymore.

I am sorry to hear of this for you. Sounds like you are very loving and flexible with him and always willing to listen and help him. I hear that he treats you well in many respects but his other behavior is disrespectful and quite hurtful. It comes down to whether he can get some help for himself to see how he is continuing this pattern of abuse and how long you will tolerate this in your relationship with him. Let him know how much you love him and want to be with him, but not in this way. Trust needs to be reestablished so you can move forward together.

I await your thoughts.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your responce. He treats me well when he want to treat me well
I guess. I guess when he knows he's pushed
me to the edge, he will take a step back and try help. I'm only 22 and I feel like I've aged 10 years with the stress of it all. It's difficult when you try do everything in your power to make
someone happy but all you recieve is disappointments and let down. I guess this just isn't how I want to live and I don't know how much I can take of this anymore. I accept id he doesn't change, it goes down to how much more
I can take before I crash. I do everything for him. I drive him everywhere, I supported him financially for 2 years, I helped him find a job, I emotionally supported him, took him on beautiful
Holidays but there's something deep inside him that torments him. Potentially, it's the fact he was physically abused by his dad growing up through beatings or the fact he feels abandoned because his parents sent him to Ireland with his sister at 8 years old. He's just troubled. He wants help, he
Wasn't to find a councellor. When he describes his dad, his dad seems to be a replica of him. How much of a persons character is down to genetics and how much is it down to upbringing and life experiences? I want to help him but sometimes I feel it's a lost cause and I'm neglecting my own needs.

I hear all of this pain for you. You are both suffering and it sounds to me like unless he gets the help he needs, this relationship will continue to be the same for you. I hear the love and care and all you have done for a long time and I would agree it sounds like you have neglected your needs and at what cost? Sadness and perhaps anxiety. You are young and deserve an easier time...see if he can get the help and stick with it. And if you feel like you can't be in it anymore, that is okay are allowed to care for yourself.


Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the advice Jen ! I agree, he needs to get help or this will just be a never ending pattern. I booked a four week charity trip abroad to work on an orphanage so hopefully this will
give me the time and space to decide what I really want. Many thanks.Rebecca

I love to hear that and you are so loving and giving...even while you are suffering you are doing the work that you are. I hope it gives you clarity and the desire to care for yourself more. I am here anytime you need me.

Can I support you any further now?

If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time with you. Thanks so much in advance.


Will you be so kind to offer a rating so that I am credited for my time? I appreciate you understanding that.

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