How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3778
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

I have a problem. my mind keeps telling me that my

Customer Question

hi. I have a problem. my mind keeps telling me that my relationship isn't right and that I don't even like my girlfriend. at the same time though I know she is so amazing and i love her. we have fought so much though, I think this has added into the situation. I think I have issues with allowing or feeling my love for her because I have been hurt in the past. I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel like I could live like this forever it really wears me down. we have split up a lot of times and i get a huge surge of energy at the start but everytime after a day or two i miss her so much and can only think of how amazing and good for me she is but then as soon as we get back together I feel this heaviness and a sadness set in then all the thoughts of escape start again. I don't want to keep messing her about. I don't know how to deal with this or what to do. if I ask for another break the relationship will definitely be over. am I crazy?! do I actually just dislike her and am obsessed/attached!? or is this just my past pain ruining what life is offering me right now? I feel really stuck at the moment!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Hi. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this and it can be very painful. It is possible that your gut is telling you something that she doesn't feel right for you and that yes you may think she is amazing and you love her, but that little nagging thing inside prevents it from going deeper and more long term. So then why when you break up you miss her and want to be with her? That could be because while you have the surge of energy at the beginning but begin to miss her, that those feelings can be painful and scary and most of us would do what we can to end those feelings and getting back with her ends those painful feelings temporarily. Could this all be due to past hurts? Sure it being deeply connected could bring all those fears of being left and hurt to the surface. So do I think you should end it? Not necessarily, but I do think being open with her around how your painful feelings from the past could be at play and you want to have open communication about them when it comes up and you desire to flee. She may be able to reassure and help you feel safe where you can let go and fully give. Time will tell if you do this and it still doesn't feel right. Then you can decide whether to end it once and for all and sit through those painful days that are normal after any break up, even if desired by you, and come through it feeling strong and happy.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Let me know your thoughts and we can chat if you desire.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Let me know if I can support you further. If all good for now, please take a moment to click the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks in advance.