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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3777
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Dear therapist thank you for responding so quickly and

This answer was rated:

dear therapist jen thank you for responding so quickly and thoughtfully. i appreciate your reassuring words. i think i had hoped that we would by now be becoming more of a couple, even talking about living together, but it has remained at the same level of contact since january this year when we first met. part of it is i know that i too am an artist with a busy life; he says he will fit in around my free time, but right now he cannot it seems. i really dont know if it will develop in the way you suggest; i hope it will! he has a lovely sense of humour, understands creativity, the only two of my friends who have met him both liked him a lot; its just so slow so slow and so little happening. i like living with a man, being part of a couple. i am not sure if we want the same things. and when i get disappointed, as i always am when he leaves at midnight; it hurts me deeplly that he does that, i struggle to hide my resentment. i know i should be Ok with it, and let him leave on a good note, but it gets hard and i find it harder to open up and be literally and emotionally naked if he is going to leave me in that state. your comments please!

Were you unable to get back into your original posting with me?

I know how hard it is, but what is the alternative that you leave something that feels good most of the time? I don't think that is what you desire...yes you desire more of his time and time together but it sounds like he is doing what he can to move toward that...thinking of moving closer, finding a band nearby, so I think a bit more time could let you know if it is all talk or if something does happen.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
should i have been able to? thats why i posted again and paid again! was that not necessary?

Enjoy each moment as they come and try to not to put so much pressure on you and him. I think you will enjoy the time more if you take it moment by moment. Stay here with me in this question and after you provide a rating I will write to customer service and close and refund that last question. Sound good?

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you again for reassurance. you are right, leaving is not what i want. i have a habit in the past of feeling so hurt that i fantasise about leaving and have in my past relationship talked about leaving because i felt so hurt that it was unbearable. leaving of course is not what i want. it is how to manage my pain and hurt ( origins in childhood as always!) .You are helping me to keep a sense of proportion! and thank you for being willing to arrange a refund of second question!

So each time you feel the need to run because you are hurt and want more, think of what you have right now...a man that shakes over you, a man that is loving and kind and yes we both hope he can move closer and closer to you both emotionally and physically.

Thank you for the rating and bonus. You can always come to me when you need me.

I am writing to customer service about your last question. Keep focusing on what is in front of you now and not what is down the road...we only have now.

I sent a note to customer service about refunding the question from your original thread.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you jen. your words make sense. it seems as if i am coming across as being very needy. how do i stop being that? the nows are great when we are together, its just that there is so much time between them. Yes i do think they will get better in time, but i am struggling to manage my feelings and longings. any tips?
If you are having difficulties getting back into questions go back to your previous emails and click the link from there. Write to customer service so they can help with any technical glitches.
I am also on EST so was not available in the middle of the night so I am sorry that there was a delay in my getting back to you.