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llw26, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 289
Experience:  LCPC - 2015. Counseling skills.
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I am engaged to be married and completely in love with my

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I am engaged to be married and completely in love with my fiancé. Me and my best friend went on holiday and met up with a male friend who had been travelling. After one too many drinks we all went back to our hotel and shared our bed. Nothing happened between either of us with the male friend but I felt awful about it and came clean to my fiancé straight away. He was more than understanding and told me to stop worrying about it but I can't.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We all come from a small town and I'm overly worried that people find out what I've done and judge me and my relationship. My friend is also a total gossip and it wouldn't surprise me if she has already told someone. I have been honest with my fiancé because I couldn't keep it from him but I'm worried about this a lot and it's causing me anxiety and stress.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I should add that our male friend had no clothes on in the bed that's why I feel so awful about it

Hi my name is ***** ***** give me a moment to read what you've written.

Wow! That would be shocking to wake-up to! It sounds like your fiancee is very understanding - what is it about others judging you that bothers you so much? Are there other things you've done in life that you weren't so proud of that others found out about? If so, did you react the same way then?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I just regret it so much, I know it was disrespectful and wrong. I don't want others to know because the thought of others thinking I'm a bad person really gets to me. I also don't want my fiancé to go through anyone speaking about it. I know I am being very stupid but can't help it. I also feel that my best friends opinion of me and my relationship have changed

I don't think it's stupid that you're worrying. It also doesn't sound like your behavior was intentional (i.e., I'm going to go out, get drunk, and sleep in the same bed as two others, with one of them being naked). What would it take for you to forgive yourself? Also, what would it mean if you were a bad person? We all do things we regret... but I don't think that necessarily makes us bad people. Your relationship with your best friend changed?

It sounds like you care a lot about your fiancee and how others perceive your relationship - it makes sense; however, there are certain circumstances when these types of situations are out of our control - you won't talk about it, but you can't ensure your friend or fiancee won't (it wouldn't make sense for him to... but you never know).

Have you thought about talking with your best friend about this and sharing with her your fears?

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