I can tell you more about why you are reluctant to let go of your past. I'll have to explain a Jungian psychological concept to you to make it as clear as I want it to be. Everyone has an image or symbol of an opposite sex version of themselves in their unconscious mind; men have what Jung called an "Anima" or female soul, and women have an "Animus" or masculine energy in them. The characteristics of the anima can be typically feminine, and of the animus typically masculine. (You can look both of these up in Wikipedia for their version, which will be longer than what I'm presenting here.) Women also typically project their animus figure onto any man they fall in love with, but it will turn out to be too ideal to actually fit with the totality of their beloved boyfriend's personality. For it is a higher version of themselves, admired within a male body, but actually representing a spiritual energy that connects them to their own creativity and spiritual personality development.
So you keep falling in love with artistic/creative types of men, because your own creative (and spiritually transformative) parts are underdeveloped, and you're trying unconsciously to incorporate them from outside yourself. So what you need to do to make your life NOT conventional, even though you have a good conventional job, is to begin developing your own creativity and/or spiritual horizons.
If you start attending to and writing down your dreams, you will be noticing your own creativity in a naturally occurring part of your life. The images and plots in those dreams might begin to show you how to launch your own creativity and spiritual development. You could also do dream therapy with me, because I've been attending to my own dreams for 56 years and interpreting others' dreams for 45 years. That kind of therapy is known as Jungian growth-oriented therapy, because it perceives our nightly dreams as symbolic dramas and movies composed by a Higher Source inside of us to point the way forward in our own lives, as a Divine guidance (aka higher Self or God/Goddess within) to balance with our own personal waking consciousness (aka ego).
So this particular type of man you keep falling in love with (who is typically younger than you, because your masculine-creative side is less developed than your female world-managing ego side) is your creative side; and if you begin to develop your relations with his energy in yourself you won't need to expect your male partner to furnish you with creative inspiration as much, and you can appreciate him for what he is, instead of what your unconscious mind wants him to be.