How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4084
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

Iam a girl in my early 20s. I haven’t been single for about

This answer was rated:

Hi,Iam a girl in my early 20s. I haven’t been single for about 5-6 years now (last two serious relationships ended badly with cheating, lying involved). At my current rationship ( which started immidiately after my ex cheated), I would say the guy is ‘perfect’ and ticks all the boxes for a guy I would want to marry. But for some reason, a year and a half later, I don’t feel in love. I don’t feel the way I felt before, even though it always ended badly. I don’t want to settle with someone I don’t feel the magic with, atleast not at this age. But I don’t want to make the wrong decision by leaving a ‘good guy’. I have been very stressed by this as iam constantly thinking about what’s the right thing to do. Sometimes I still think about my ex, Who at the same time wouldn’t want to settle with because it wouldnt work in the long run.Help!
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
More information is may be useful:I i moved in with my boyfriend last year (after a few months of dating). Maybe it was too soon. But he’s perfect, the way he treats me. He’s in his early 30s (9yrs older) so he’s very ready to settle and would marry me anytime. I don’t have any issue with him apart from how I think he’s financially irresponsible. I am a very motivated and goal oriented individual, and although he’s hard working, I don’t like how he is still constantly needing to borrow money from me. He pays back but I don’t think this should be a regular thing at his age, and I don’t know how we are supposed to plan a future together. So I have been thinking about this a lot also, but I keep feeling maybe it’s because I’m not in love with him that’s why little things bother me.I miss my ex but he wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship I’m looking for. But I loved him to death. Then he cheated. If I could do something to make myself feel for my current boyfriend the way I felt for my ex, I would. Because he’s a good man. But why don’t I feel that way?

The mind tells you that you should love him, but the heart isn't in that space and while he checks off all the boxes rationally, the emotional aspect is lacking for you. Things can't be forced unfortunately so he may not be the one for you in the long run. You miss your ex because you had those deep and powerful feelings and sadly he took your trust and threw it away. None of us can force ourselves to be deeply in love with another. He might be perfect in many ways but that doesn't mean it has longevity to it. I am not saying you walk away at this point, but I am saying go easier on yourself about not having these deep feelings or a desire to marry him and be with him forever.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you! Exactly what I needed! ❤️
My pleasure. Go easy on yourself as well. Some relationships are good for now but not meant for longevity. Let me know how else I can support you. If all good for now please take a moment to click the rating faces to rate my support. You are not charged again for doing so but without it I will not receive credit for my support. Thanks so much.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
I will surely rate you.Just last thing, any ways to heal emotionally at this point? I’m thinking maybe move out and have more space from him? Should I speak to my ex atall? Will that help. I just feel like a different person emotionally. It’s like my heart doesn’t work anymore. Any ways I can fix that?
I would keep your feelings for your ex separate from this. And decide what you desire with your current relationship and that is if you want space then take it but do not make it about the ex. I would separate out those feelings and deal with your current feeling in this relationship.
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Okay thank you.
Wishing you peace with it all. Take your time and focus only on your feelings with your current boyfriend and don't settle for others that betray your trust.