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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 722
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Met a guy online on match.com we had loads of things in

Customer Question

Met a guy online on match.com we had loads of things in common and hit it off after about 4 weeks of constant communication he disappeared and completely deleted his profile.I made the mistake of contacting him cause I was genuinely worried about him but at the same time I just wanted clarity to move on. when I did message him he replied immediately and said he was going through stuff he is not happy with his career and focusing on that. fine I tried saying goodbye then however he still kept in contact with me, he would contact me at least once a week I assumed he wanted to be my friend cause he kept conversations friendly hence why Let him communicate with me like this, this went on for two months.One day said he got his career sorted and he isn't so depressed and suddenly asked me out on a date, even though i was shocked I agreed ( I haven't met him in real life yet) due to busy schedules the date was set in 3 weeks it snowed that day we cancelled and re-scheduled for 2 weeks later it snowed again.. I was not free for another 2 weeks as I had a holiday booked but in 2 weeks we are too meet but it may snow again haha.The problem actually as time is increasing I'm noticing changes in himinfrequent contact he disappears days on ends
conversations are more sexual these days (he used to actually care how my day was now he doesn't even ask
First date we planed went from Harry Potter world to pizza and hotel which makes me feel like I'm going to be used I also understand a considerable amount has gone bye (5 months) so don't completely blame him.
it’s confusing cause he still remembers every detail about me but comes across as someone who doesn't care.
but he always initiates conversation even if itsBasically he behaves like someone who either wants to use me or is semi interested so I'm considering letting him go though I don't want to regret incase i’m jumping to conclusions. What should I do?
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 month ago.

I​t sounds like he basically doesn't know what he wants or is playing games. It sounds like he is too undecided or too immature to have a relationship in the future. His actions (actions speaks louder than words) are indicative of someone who plays others or strings people along. His behavior is not changing in a positive way and doesn't really consider your feelings. When you are faced with a guessing game after several months you just have to accept that he is not a good prospect for a later relationship. It sounds like he enjoys confusing partner and making himself more important than he really is

If you choose to be friends that is fine but that lends itself to the fact that you want something more in the future and he will continue to keep you guessing. It sounds like there is not enough substance to be his friend or his girlfriend. Friends have behavior that consider your feelings and he has not done so.

I would examine why you want to continue to be interested in him even though he has not been considerate of you. You should value a dependable friend or boyfriend and not have to guess where you stand. I suggest you move on.

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
I guess that's the sad reality. I've tried to forget but he keeps coming back and didn't want to cut him off he's always initiated conversations so letting it fade never works. I wanted to continue being interested in him because despite all this we do have a lot in common and are similar in personality, and he is one of the most interesting individuals I've ever come across.My only struggle is how do you cut off someone you clearly still like it's not like I can break up with him as we never were a thing I'd look crazy. I know I have to let him go but I don't know how.