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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1102
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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My husband was on a dating site for 18 months to find an

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My husband was on a dating site for 18 months to find an extra marital partner who would ‘be on his side’ feeling that he and I were not close. I was shocked to discover this and that he had slept with 2 women. He now says it was the worst mistake of his life but I am really struggling to forgive this despite 18 months of counselling. I thought what we had was very special and didn’t realise this was happening under my nose as it was carefully hidden. We get on very well and he is trying hard and I do think he loves me but I don’t know if I can get over this.
Customer: replied 9 months ago.
We have been married for 18 years and both on second marriage. Youngest child is 16 and others are mine who don’t live at home. He did not have affairs for sex only but for emotional reasons. We have always had strong attraction and I thought we’re close in many ways although over this period we were both heavily involved in demanding jobs and he felt neglected. But aside of me being able to understand his state of mind and knowing he regrets it I think 18 months of proactive deception is too much? Will I ever be able to believe he is not going to hide things in the future and can I ever move on from all the aspects of his betrayal where he sought out women and searched every day on a website for married people looking I have affairs? I am not interested in meeting someone else and fear I will miss him badly if we split as we have so much in common and he is a good man in other respects but can I ever get over this - at times when I think of the reality of what he did I feel that it is just overstepping all the boundaries by too much.
That is really tough. You need to understand your lack of forgiveness is only hurting you. You need to let it go. There are three steps to forgiveness:1. Accuse the perpetrator. He did it. There are no excuses. It is not your fault. He betrayed you. He chose to. Don’t blame yourself.2. Acknowledge the pain. Don’t minimize it. He betrayed you and I hurts.3. Accept his apology. You can’t find full guarantee. You just trust him and move on.Yes, you can forgive him. It just takes time. Givevthat time.Does that make sense?
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Customer: replied 9 months ago.