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Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4492
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Basically I’ve been seeing a guy from where I work he’s 27

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Basically I’ve been seeing a guy from where I work he’s 27 and I’m 43 , when I first asked him the age wasn’t an issue , but last Sunday, I said to him where do u see yourself in five years , I meant career, but he thought I meant children and marriage, he excused me of two timing him and said he couldn’t have sex anymore cause he didn’t trust me , I said to him do u want to be friends he said no, but his previous girlfriends he’s friends with, with both said things in the heat of the moment I’m not looking forward to going to work, luckly people at work don’t know , I used to pick him up, we never went anywhere, he was always worried people would see us , and he was very moody as well , he was fine when things went his way, wen they didn’t he was like Jekyll and Hyde . I keep going over things as well and blaming myself , I moved in with him for six weeks giving him rent , he only wanted to make love wen he was in the mood , and he was Romania you’re advice would be much appreciated

Hello, I'm Rafael. Thanks for asking your question. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your question now and will respond ASAP.

I'm very sorry to know about this very sad, frustrating and concerning situation.

It is very clear you think this person uses to say hurtful things when under the "heat of the moment", and that he keeping ex-girlfriends as friends could show he cares in some way because of doing that, but at the same time, you describe a person whose behavior consistently show he was hiding you, making sure he kept your relationship secret, while expecting and pushing you to please him, being very selfish and hurtful, to the point of pushing you away after you make a simple question like that. it is very sad, but it is also necessary to come to terms with the fact that this person has not shown in any consistent and open ways he truly cares about you, his actions actually show the opposite, that he was using you to please himself, and that as soon as he felt uncomfortable with something, because of his own personal issues, he got rid of you, which is shocking and totally unacceptable.

Please remember that the first right, need and responsibility you have is to ensure you take good care of yourself, that you respect, understand, protect and support yourself, sicen by doing so, you know hwo to set clear aboundaries and limits in relatiosnhips, and never tolerate anybody to use, abuse, neglect or manipualte you, sicen when we allow that, the other person feels entitled of doign it even more, which coudl enver helps us to be and feel healthy, happy and fulfilled at all, but to suffer. Carefully reassess your core needs and expectation about relationships, and do not tolerate or keep around people unable and/or unwilling to respect, support and meet those basic needs/expectations, otherwise you will wats time and get hurt, You deserve and need a healthy, caring and supportive person, able and willing to reciprocate your affection and caring,nothing less than that. Does it make sense?

hello. I wonder if you received and read my response.

Rafael-E-Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Hi yes that was very helpful, I’m a bit bothered because we sometimes work together, starting tomorrow, he smiled after the row and said see you at work, , do u think we could become friends again , my head is all over the place

Having to see him at your workplace does not make things easier for you, no doubt. And this is why it is so important for you to stay mindful of reality, what you have already undergone in this relationship.

Based on everything you have told me so far, I do not believe this person has offered any form of healthy friendship or romance to you, and I fear he would continue expecting you to take anything he does as before, So please be careful, and clear about what you truly can and want to afford, so for you to avoid further wounding by this person. Set and keep clear and healthy boundaries, since based on them you would be taking good care of yourself, or would self-neglect and enable further wounding.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible.

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state "For Rafael only" in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.


Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you I will be in touch again

You're very welcome. Take good care and feel free to follow up.

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Can anyone else see this what I’ve put . On here

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