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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5326
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I've been married for 4 years, together for 7 years and I

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Hi Pearl...
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I've been married for 4 years, together for 7 years and I was committed to the relationship until recently I have stopped loving my husband. I haven't cheated or anything but I just feel trapped
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: I've had a few reasons for concern in the past where he's crossed the line, not actually having sex with someone but flirting and messaging others. I processed and put it behind me each time but it still stayed with me in a small way. I think it's totted up and I've just shut down. Only with my husband, nothing else. I don't even like being around him and he annoys me. I don't know what to do, don't want to hurt him but is there something going on with me or us this a sign to move on?
It sounds as if his behavior and the subsequent feelings of betrayal have caused you to feel distant from him. There is not anything wrong with you and I think sitting down with him to discuss openly how you feel about these betrayals and what it has done to your connection to him would be most important. You can then decide what will work for you moving forward...if you are able to stay in the marriage or if you need to leave. But rather than sit with these feelings alone it will be better to discuss it with him so that you can feel clear about whatever decision it is. Maybe you decide to give a try in marital therapy before leaving or maybe that doesn't feel right but at least talking openly gives you the space to process it all.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your help! I have sat down with him and told him I care about him but I'm not in love anymore. I explained what I think the reason was I.e crossing lines but he seems to have blinkers on which makes me wonder if I should keep trying. I can't switch my feelings back on, will they return? We have tried going out for meals and cinema and honestly I feel bored and distracted which is so rude and not me
I am glad that you have sat down together to talk about things and also that you have made attempts to reconnect to him. I am all for paying attention to your feelings and they seem very valid. You are not being rude, you're being genuine and honest with your feelings. I would honor those feelings. Try to imagine life without him and if you feel that your life would be better then maybe you let him know you want a trial separation to see how it all feels for everyone.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sounds a good idea, I do feel nervous about being single again but that is a better feeling than the ones I'm feeling now, if that makes sense. I'm worried about hurting him and what if I suddenly want to be with him again if we went our separate ways. I suppose a trial run would help with my reservations. That's very helpful thank you
all those things are possible so again be open with him about all of your worries and fears and maybe again you try marital therapy for a bit knowing that you may end up in a trial separation but this way he sees how much you are trying to figure it all out. But of course those feelings of longing could develop... it is all unknowable but that doesn't mean you stay in a place that doesn't feel right because of other fears.
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