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DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 481
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Should I stay with my boyfriend his girl best friend told

Customer Question

Should I stay with my boyfriend his girl best friend told him not to bring me on holidays with his friends after I was already invited and I was invited before her and he booked a ticket and went with out me I was devastated and there has been plenty of times where iv felt secound best to her
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Nicola-mod replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.
I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.
Thank you!
Nicola
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

Hi there. Why would you stay with him if he puts his other girlfriend before you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Because it not all the time it’s usually when there’s a party or somthing fun on like he is there for me and we spend 99% of our time together but it’s like he has a fear of missing out
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

I'm Dr. Jackie, a psychotherapist, counselor, and relationship expert. And I'm very sorry you seem to be in a bit of turmoil and confusion. Not knowing can be one of the frustrating states of being.

That said, I"m unclear how you met or how it came to be that you started communicating. Your answers to these likely

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.

I somehow wrote the wrong answer to you...I'm so sorry. My answer disappeared. The above answer was for another customer.

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.

So let me start over. It's clear that his best friend is threatened by and/or jealous of you. Otherwise, why would she not want you there? Something doesn't sound quite right.

Do you think your bf has romantic feelings for her? If not, he may not even have thought anything wrong with hanging out with friends without you. I mean, both of you need to enjoy interests and events independent of each other. I don't mean all the time. You even said you spend about 99% of your (free) time together. And it's ok to do most things together as long as you both keep your individual identities.

I would try to find out what he thinks--if he does not take off all time without you, it's probably fine. It is very possible she wants him as more than a close/best friend. And of course if you are with them somewhere, that would threaten her. Just have a talk with your bf. Be honest and open. And be sure you yourself are not jealous. It's easy to be, but jealousy never ever helps a solid relationship. It just helps to tear it apart. So be honest with him that it bothered you that you were invited but he did not seem to want you to go. Don't accuse him. Make it all about how you feel in what we call "I-centered messages." That is, "I felt hurt when I did not feel like I could go" and "I feel like my opinion doesn't matter when your best friend is around." Make it about YOU and YOUR feelings, not him. That way it won't sounds like you are accusing him of anything or that you don't trust him.

Does that make sense? It sounds like he truly cares about you. So when you approach him in a non-confrontational way, it should really help.

Let me know your thoughts!

Thanks,

Dr. Jackie

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well he did say it to the girl like gave out to her and he did go with a group of friends that she would be closer with she said she didn’t want me there In case me and Conall had a fight and they spilt the group and he told the group if they go on a holiday again he’s not going unless I come but how do I get over the feeling of hating her because they have been friends before I met him and we’ve been together two and half years and I don’t want to make him chose between us or anything I’m not like that it’s just I don’t want to be around her or have her in our apartment
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
They plan on going on a ski holiday in January and he wants me to come but I don’t want to cause I feel so much unwanted after that