I'm Dr. Jackie, a psychotherapist, counselor, and relationship expert. And I'm very sorry you are in this apparent circle of happiness, hopefulness, then pain and back again. As a proponent of cognitive behavioral therapy, I can tell you that the brain can go back and forth like that between happiness an sadness rather easily when one thinks about all kinds of scenarios.
Before I can begin to make recommendations, I would need more information. Is it possible to talk in real time in chat here? I know we are 5 or 6 hours in different time zones. It's only a little after noon here. I will be available most of the afternoon and evening off an on. If you could give me some times of availability to chat, if that is your preference, I can pick one and try to accommodate you.
I'm curious about things like her not wanting you to move on. It sounds selfish albeit it very honest. And please understand that I'm not judging at all. But real love is indicative of both people wanting the best for the other person. Think of how a good mum loves her son or daughter. She may want her child to live at home forever (not any parents I know but that's beside the point) or at least, stay local maybe to go to university. But true parental love dictates that the mum lets the child go to wherever it most benefits the son or daughter in terms of programs of study. Does that make sense? Parents want the best for their kids even if it means missing them because real parental love is not selfish.
Relationship love is also--at least, real love. Real love wants the best for the other person, even if it ISN'T HIM or Her. So I would like to explore that besides other details such as your ages or school/university is one distance barrier or if it is jobs or a sick parent or any (other) reasons for not being able to transcend the distance.
Let me know if you want to chat in real time or if you can address a few of my questions and want me to just respond when I receive your responses.