How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • Go back-and-forth until satisfied
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr.G. Your Own Question
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1864
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr.G. is online now

Assistant: How can I help? My boyfriend and I been together

This answer was rated:

Assistant: Hello. How can I help?
Customer: My boyfriend and I been together for 5 years, we love each other very much and we have great time. We have one challenge is sex, he have a problem that he can’t get erection easily and wants to end our relationship. Most of the time we have good sex, not the best in his life but it pleases both. Instead of focusing on the positive moments and when we had sex he is focusing on all the negative times when we couldn’t, we have very busy lifes and even living together sometimes we dont see each other. And in general he has very difficult character as he is scorpion, we cry together and once reached a point that I told him thats it and then he wanted to continue our life together now after 6 months we reached the same point and he is very stressed with work and all the time aays that stress is coming from us not having sex. I dont know what to do as I try to support him and remind him all the good sex that we had but he keepson focusing on the bad moments
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: We have age gap of 8 years

Hi there. How often is he masturbating and watching pornography?

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Maybe 2 times a week, he went to seea therapist as well as he feels that because of this he is loosing weight and not sleeping properly. He told me that before he had the same situation with another girl and it didn’t work out, then he had a girl that was mistreating him and they had good sex but no emotions. As we are 5 years together this aituation started to occur like 3 years ago and it happens every 6month Im trying to fight for him and tell him that he doesn’t have a problem as he get erection and we have good moments but he is just so negative and is afraid that I will try to inessiate sex and he won’t make it and it will put him down

Is there more to the relationship than sex? He seems to want to bail from the relationship and so I wonder if there is more concern then just issues with sex?

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Just the issues with sex, in general we had moments last year that we werent happy as individuals and always depended on each other, but now we grow individually and things got way better. He says that he had the issue and that there is no passion but when we go on holidays everything is great between us when we return we still having good time and then it starts drifting and we reach the same point. Now Im on holidays away from him and returning tomorrow and will be going on holidays together to see his family but one moment he mentioned to me maybe its better for me not to go and next day said I should go to see the friends. We still love each other with all our hearts and I cant wait to see him tomorrow and speak I want to tell him that he doesn’t have a problem and I’m by his side and will support him but it’s difficult as he let goes his sadness with anger and sometimes even doesnt listen to me

Well the first thing he needs to do is get evaluated by a doctor to see if something medically is wrong. I can see the anxiety and negativity playing in because he can't get an erection but we still don't know the cause. What typically happens is through years of masturbation and looking at porn, a guy actually causes his own erectile dysfunction. He would need to cease that activity in order to start repairing the damage that has been done.

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
He did it already and they said nothing is wrong with him

Ok so if no medical reasons then he needs to get away from the pornography and masturbating and allow his penis to heal and for himself to be more sensitized to a real relationship. As he heals then the physical connection will return and hopefully his anticipatory anxiety will alleviate.

Dr.G. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I will try to speak with him about it. Thank you