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Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6655
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My partner and I seem to be arguing all the time but this

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My partner and I seem to be arguing all the time but this has been the main one that’s changed it all for me. We were play fighting but he was really hurting my wrist so I said stop but he didn’t so I pinched him harder and he kept squeezing my wrist until I stopped. He always seems to do things more to almost show me a lesson. I said to him the next day he changed and I thought he could potentially hurt me. Rather than seeing if I was ok he went to have some space so went into the hot tub and had a beer then posted it on Facebook like I didn’t exist. Now I just found out he had a page on Instagram and didn’t tell me or follow me on it yet he was following other girls. To me you should follow your girlfriend first and family etc. Then the other day he said he wants someone to hurt him so he can hurt them because he likes it. I just don’t know what to do? Should I leave him?
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: That is mainly everything. Thank you

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your question now and I am very sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

It is very concerning to know that you argue all the time, and that this person seems to look for physical violence and dominance in a sadomasochistic fashion as a way to boost his own ego, disregarding how hurtful it could be for you.

His behavior of not being totally honest and open with you would be shocking for most people in your shoes, since this behavior is not something most people expect. You expect his use of social media to be coherent with your exclusive relationship, and not one where you or his family are not a priority.

When your boyfriend dismisses your feelings and concerns, he is being neglectful and appears comfortable and confident about his poor and hurtful behavior, and the more you tolerate that, the more entitled he woud feel. Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Hello! Yes this makes a lot of sense. I have stomach ulcers which is caused by stress so I’m not sure whether to try to get him to listen and change or to just walk away and concentrate on my health. I know it may sound selfish but I have had my ulcers bleed so many times. Not by him but by other stressful factors and I just don’t want our relationship to contribute to this. Before, I wanted marriage and children whereas now I don’t but at the same time I don’t know if I could be without him?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Also thank you so much for your help Rafael

Hello. You are very welcome. I am very sorry to know you have ben suffering so much mentally and physically because of so much stress in your life, and that this relationship has not helped but undermined your health.

Rafael-E-Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

When a person you love does not reciprocate your love, but actually hurts you, neglects you, and you find yourself trying to find a way to try to make him listen to you and change, reality is showing you in painful ways that your love was become destructive, since it tolerates and enables neglect and abuse, while your health and well-being suffer even more.

Please remember that your first right, need, and responsibility is to take good care of yourself, that means to respect, understand, protect, love and support yourself; since it is from, there that you ensure your health, happiness and well-being. without allowing or enabling anybody to disrespect, use, abuse, manipulate or hurt you. When somebody at least respects you, they will not hurt you. A real, healthy partner is one who is more that an excellent friend, it is a person who respects, understand, protects, supports you, that makes you and your life healthier, wiser, better, more empowered, meaningful and fulfilling, not the opposite.