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Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5989
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have a Filipina wife but we split up 12 years ago. In the

Customer Question

I have a Filipina wife but we split up 12 years ago. In the last year I have moved in with a white lady the same age as me, but now my wife has said you're my lost property and I want you back. I don't want to go back to her but she is such an expert at making me feel sorry for her I don't know how to let her down. She is a very difficult woman to control and I know even if I did move back things would be difficult in a short period of time.
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: We are not young people, I am 63, my wife is 66....you would think there would be no more of these problems!
Submitted: 8 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful situation.

Customer: replied 8 days ago.
OK
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

In your story, you describe how you separated and started new lives 12 years ago. And how a year ago you moved to live with another woman who has become your life partner. You have not described any issues with your current partner, but feeling pushed by your wife, the one you separated from 12 years ago, right?

Customer: replied 8 days ago.
we remained friends but now she wants us to get back together
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

I see. But have you suddenly stop having affection towards your partner and feel like leaving her, to get back to your wife? You just said you do not believe she has changed, that she is manipulative, and you have not described any present romantic feelings toward her, right?

Customer: replied 8 days ago.
No I was referring to my ex, she can be manipulative and difficult, my current partner is fine
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

That's my understanding. I understood you right.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

Then you need to work on yourself, specifically on any codependency issues, since from there people allow others to manipulate them.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

You need to set healthy boundaries and keep this friendship as such. Especially if she wants to push you, you need to make it sure she knows that you are only willing to share with her as a friend, and nothing more.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 8 days ago.

If she is unwilling to respect you, the relationship/partner of your boundaries, then you'd have to limit communication to protect yourselves. Does it make sense?

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 5 days ago.

I wonder if you read my response, if it makes sense, and if it answered your question.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 2 days ago.

Hello. I hope you could read the response. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible.

 

Thank you,

 

Rafael